I just don't know anymore.

So my best friend is engaged. I should be happy and all and give him my good wishes, but I can't. Yet I can't just walk away like nothing ever happened. I just... I really just don't know. I thought I was doing something, something to help. Somewhere along the way I fell in love and then there was a big mess. Never fall in love with people who are with someone else! And always look for the way he treats everyone else. Don't listen to the people who tell you y'all look so cute together.
How do you deal with the fact that you still love him, you are still in love with him, and you care about him alot and think that his fiance is the biggest bitch and he deserves more? So if I go between asshole and crying my eyes out you will know why. I don't think I can do the whole school thing right now.
I am not going to think about that or at least not in the front of my brain. I am going to think about my new car. You may have a ring on your finger bitch but I got a shiny new car! You don't even have a car and I am going to wait until I am sure no one else wants it before I even offer it to you. You are a self-centered bitch and I don't like them. I never have. If you don't want to SHOW me you care then you can just keep walkin.'. It ain't even that fucking hard but you don't. So I am going to treat you like fucking shit, but I mean like the fucking shit you treat me as. Get ready it is going to be one helluva ride. *evil grin* ALl those asshole days are getting focused on one self-centered bitch.

WITH THE GIRLS......

SO LAST NITE HOOCHIE MAMA AND I HUNG OUT W/CHICA. I SWEAR SOME OF OUR STRANGEST AND MOST DISGUSTING CONVOS HAPPEN WHEN WE'RE ALL PISSY!!! I AM ONLY GOIN TO MENTION ONE OR TWO THINGS WE TALKED ABOUT CAUSE I KNOW THEY WANT TO TELL Y'ALL STUFF TOO.......FOR STARTERS, WE TALKED ABOUT HOW THE KINDS OF FOOD WE EAT AFFECT THE WAY WE TASTE.......AND YES WE R REFERRING TO THE FOOD AT THE "Y"!!! MANDY AND I HAPPEN TO EAT ALOT OF GARLIC AND SHE SEEMS TO THINK THAT NOT ONLY DOES IT COME OUT OF UR PORES BUT DOES CHANGE THE TASTE OF OTHER THINGS, NOW I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THIS, I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN ANY COMMENTS AS TO WHETHER OR NOT I TASTE LIKE GARLIC OR CHOCOLATE OR W/E THE CASE MAY B. IM NOT SO SURE THIS IS A SOLID THEORY OR NOT CAUSE I DO KNOW THAT W/GUYS IF U DRINK ALOT OF WATER OR MOSTLY WATER THINGS R A LIL SMOOTHER AND TASTE BETTER. AND IM NOT SO SURE THAT AN EXPERIMENT WOULD B IN ORDER, CAUSE IF ITS TRUE THEN WHO WANTS TO EAT SOME RAW GARLIC? THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT!?!?! THEN WE DISCUSSED THE ISSUE OF HOW SOME FOODS CAUSE FLATULENCE MORE THAN OTHERS.........YES I KNOW, WE R ALL SICK, SOMETIMES I WONDER IF WE R TOO TESTOSTERONE INCLINED TO T/POINT THAT WE SEND OFF SOME SORT OF SIGNAL OR SMELL TO T/MALE POPULATION AND SCARE THEM AWAY!?!?! :) ANYHOO JUST SOMETHING TO THINK AND LAUGH ABOUT....... :) PS---GUYS I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY STORIES IN UR COMMENTS ABOUT HOW CHICS TASTE OK, LETS NOT B TOO RAUNCHY!!!!! WE R TALKIN SCIENTIFICALLY/PHISIOLOGICALLY HERE!!!! :)

Posting More!

Okay so the title was me being an asshole. So chica and Miss Muffy would know that this is me posting more. First I am sorry that I don't I just get busy and since my life has so much drama I figured I would try to figure it all out. Yeah that ain't happening!
So before I forget, I am going to talk about somethings. First I hung out with tasha last night til like 4 in the morning making chirstmas decorations and then watching her decorate the tree. Now before you think I am a bad friend I offered to help. But Tasha has to do it her way... but she is cute so it is okay. She just didn't want me to hang my phallic symbol... I mean candle stick and holder in the front of her tree....lol. Really it was just nice to get to hang out with someone. People usually don't get that I need to just be around people sometimes.

T-DAY AND SHIT......

THANKSGIVING DINNER WENT OFF WITH A BANG. EVERYONE CAME AND HAD A GOOD TIME! AND THIS YEAR I DIDNT BLOW THE WINGS OFF THE BIRD! HAHAHA I GOT A SURPRISE VISIT FROM MY FAVE UNCLE AND AUNT FROM NC, SO THAT WAS REALLY NICE.......GOOD LIL PICK ME UP! I PUT UP WHAT XMAS DECORATIONS I HAD. TIM HELPED WITH MY TREE AND THE LIGHTS. I HAVE 1500 LIGHTS ON A 6FT TREE!! "PLANES PLS LAND HERE!" HAHAHA IT TOOK US ABOUT AN HOUR TO PUT THE DAMN THING UP CAUSE NONE OF THE BRANCHES WERE LABELED SO WE HAD SOME REARRANGING TO DO!! :) AND I ALSO DID A LIL MORE XMAS SHOPPING, GOD THE STORES R TERRIBLE! EVERYTHING HAS BEEN PRETTY CALM OTHERWISE, THANK GOD CAUSE IM SICK OF THE FUCKIN DRAMA GOIN ON RIGHT NOW! PPL BETTER GET A GRIP CAUSE IM ABOUT TO GO OFF, BUT IVE BEEN BITING MY TONGUE CAUSE SOME REALLY NASTY SHIT IS GONNA GET SAID AND ITS GONNA PUT SOME REALATIONSHIPS TO THE TEST. CONSIDER THIS EVERYONES FUCKIN WARNING............HAVE A FUCKIN LOVELY DAY!!!! :)

WOOHOO! SCHOOL IS OVER! :) NEEDLESS TO SAY I PASSED WITH A HIGH GRADE AND MY TEACHER GAVE ME A GREAT EVALUATION. (YEAH THATS RIGHT, IM A STUDMUFFIN ;) ) TOMORROW IS THE RAT PACK'S T-DAY DINNER, IM EXCITED TO HAVE EVERYONE AROUND TO SHARE GOOD FOOD AND A GOOD TIME! I HAVE SINCE TALKED TO VERSION 2 AND HE SAID HE WOULD COME.......BUT HE KEEPS TELLIN ME THAT HE'LL GET AHOLD OF ME AND THEN HE DOESNT. FOR SOME STRANGE REASON I FEEL LIKE IM GOIN TO GET STOOD UP FOR MY DINNER?!?! I HAVE BEEN DISAPPOINTED AND LET DOWN QUITE A FEW TIMES BY PPL IN MY LIFE, UD THINK THAT ID B USED TO IT BY NOW BUT IM NOT. IM HURT THAT HE TELLS ME HE WILL DO SOMETHING AND THEN DOESNT FOLLOW THRU---NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT SHIT COMES UP, BUT THIS SEEMS LIKE A BLATANT DISREGUARD FOR KEEPING HIS WORD TO ME. IM GETTING TIRED OF WAITING AND CONSTANTLY NOT KNOWING IF HES ACTUALLY GOIN TO GET AHOLD OF ME..............HOW HARD IS IT REALLY TO JUST DO WHAT U SAY UR GOIN TO DO?????

My Longing, My Hopeless Longing!!!!

Ok ok, so I might have laid it on a little to thick for Tasha as far as sucking it up and spilling her guts. I guess I should take my own advice. Remember the conversation about Elmo? I am having troubles. I am wanting and longing to get to know him. I want to love him, I want the chance to prove to him that I deserve more credit then I am being given. This is killing me. I want to cry. I don't know what to do, I do know that I hate it. I am so vulnerable when it comes to him. I would do anything. I try to show him that I care however, I don't think that he does. It hurts. I feel used, nasty, unwanted. I never thought for a minute that it would get to this. I have always, up to this point, negleted to say anything to him because I was afraid of losing such a wonderful person in my life. I know now that if I don't say something that it is going to hurt worse than if I were to keep quite. I need to swallow my pride and let happen whatever it is that needs to happen. Whatever happens, I just want him to know that I care for him so much and if he needed anything I would come running. I would never hurt you and I would always stick by your side. If a "relationship" doesn't happen then I want you to know that I am willing to settle for the friendship. I takes a lot of me to say and admit to this. My guard is let down and my pride is swallowed. I am willing to lose now. I am willing to confide in one person, care for that one person. I am tired of the game. I hate it. It means nothing to me. Even if nothing is created it will still mean nothing to me. No matter what it takes I am willing to make the sacrafice.

UPSET........

GRRRR......I AM TROUBLED AND I AM FEELING REALLY DOWN IN THE DUMPS. MAYBE ITS THE RAIN LATELY? I MISS MY MOM TERRIBLY. YESTERDAY I WAS WONDERING AROUND THE STORE TRYIN TO GET IDEAS FOR XMAS PRESENTS, HOPEFULLY TRYIN TO FIND SOMETHING TO BUY AND I COULDA JUST BAWLED MY EYES OUT RIGHT THERE. I SHOULD B HAPPY THAT SHES NOT SUFFERING ANYMORE AND I AM.....BUT I STILL MISS HER SO MUCH THAT I CAN HARDLY CATCH MY BREATH. I WALK AROUND WITH THIS GAPING HOLE IN MY HEART WONDERING IF IT WILL EVER START TO HEAL. I TRY TO DO WHAT I USUALLY DO IN MY LIFE CAUSE I KNOW MOM WOULDNT WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY BUT EVERYDAY THERE IS AT LEAST ONE THING THAT REMINDS ME OF HER. I KNOW I SHOULD B STRONG, IM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT LOST HER. AND IM NOT SAYIN MY PAIN IS WORSE THAN MY BROTHERS---IM SURE HE FEELS IT TOO, ESPECIALLY NOW EVEN THOUGH NEITHER OF US R SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. SO BUD, IF UR READING THIS.....I FEEL IT TOO AND IM SORRY AND IF U NEED ME U KNOW HOW TO GET ME. I HOPE EVERYONE CAN BARE WITH ME THRU THIS, IM A LIL OVER EMOTIONAL/SENSITIVE RIGHT NOW. I LOVE U GUYS SOOO MUCH AND IM SOOO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF U BEING A PART OF MY LIFE. THANKS FOR BEING ALL THAT U R TO ME, I WOULD B LOST W/O U!!!

B'SING......

WELL HELLO OUT THERE! IM DONE WITH MY CLINICALS AND WILL TAKE MY FINAL EXAM ON THIS COMING TUESDAY--THANK GOD! I JUST HAVE TO DECIDE WHEN I WANT TO TAKE MY STATE TEST, DO I WANNA WAIT TIL JANUARY OR GET IT DONE IN DECEMBER???? HAVENT DECIDED FOR SURE JUST YET....... I HAVENT REALLY BEEN DOIN ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF CLASS. I HAVE HAD AN INTERESTING COVERSATION WITH CHICA ABOUT PPL BEING SCARED IN RELATIONSHIPS, U KNOW HAVING WALLS AND JUST NOT COMMUNICATING HOW THEY FEEL VERY WELL OR AT ALL. I MUST ADMIT THAT I HAVE SOME WALLS AND IM NOT GOOD AT JUST OPENLY TELLING SOMEONE THAT I CARE ABOUT THEM. I DO A BETTER JOB AT JUST SHOWING THEM I CARE BY WHAT I DO FOR THEM OR HOW I ACT AROUND THEM. U KNOW, THE "LITTLE THINGS"......FOR EXAMPLE----STAYING UP LATE JUST TO CALL THEM WHEN I HAVE TO GET UP VERY EARLY OR LEAVING LITTLE NOTES THEY CAN FIND TELLING THEM TO HAVE A GOOD DAY. SURE HEARING HOW SOMEONE FEELS ABOUT U IS A GREAT EGO BOOST AND IT MAKES U FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY, IT MAKES UR HEART SMILE, BUT THE WORDS DONT MEAN ANYTHING UNLESS THERE'S SOME KIND OF ACTION BEHIND IT........RIGHT? AT LEAST THATS THE WAY I LOOK AT IT. AS FOR MY WALLS........WELL, I DONT HAVE AN EXPLANATION BEYOND THIS----MY X WOULD TELL ME HOW HE FELT AND THEN ACT THE EXACT OPPOSITE. HE WOULD SAY THINGS TO ME TO GET MY HOPES UP OR TO SHUT ME UP AND THEN NEVER FOLLOW THRU. HE WOULD USE HOW I FELT TOWARDS HIM TO HIS OWN ADVANTAGE----LET ME POUR MY HEART OUT AND THEN DEVASTATE ME. HAVING TO DEAL WITH THAT SO MANY TIMES MAKES ME WORRIED THAT THE NEXT GUY WILL DO IT TOO. IT MAKES ME MORE THAN WORRIED----IT MAKES ME AFRAID TO LOVE SOMEONE THAT WAY AGAIN, MAKES ME AFRAID THAT THE NEXT ONE WILL JUST B SAYIN THAT SHIT TO B SAYIN IT CAUSE IN HINDSIGHT THATS EXACTLY THE WAY MY MARRIAGE WAS. I THINK HE SAID THAT HE LOVED ME AND CARED FOR ME JUST BECAUSE THATS WHAT UR "SUPPOSED" TO SAY WHEN UR MARRIED, NOT B/C HE FELT IT OR MEANT IT. SO YEAH I HAVE SOME WALLS WHEN IT COMES TO BELIEVING THAT A GUY REALLY FEELS FOR ME WHAT HE SAYS HE DOES. DO U BLAME ME FOR FEELING THAT WAY?!?! AND YEAH I KNOW THAT IN ORDER TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP U HAVE TO TAKE THE RISK OF GETTING UR HEART RIPPED OUT B4 U CAN REALLY START FEELING THE "GOOD STUFF"..........ITS JUST REALLY HARD FOR ME TO TAKE THAT JUMP, ITS LIKE I WANNA KNOW WHAT IM GETTIN INTO FIRST---WHICH ISNT EVER GOIN TO HAPPEN, CAUSE LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS DONT COME WITH THAT SORT OF GAURANTEE. AM I JUST FUCKED???? I DONT KNOW, BUT IM NOT BITTER---I KNOW THAT NOT ALL GUYS R LIKE MY X. I KNOW THAT IM READY FOR AN UPGRADE ;) AND I KNOW THAT IM READY TO LOVE SOMEONE EVEN MORE, EVEN HARDER THAN I LOVED HIM. ITS JUST THAT FIRST STEP............ITS STEPPING OFF THE EDGE OF COMFORT AND VERBALIZING HOW I FEEL AND THEN WAITING TO C IF THEY TRULY FEEL THE SAME OR R JUST BULLSHITTING ME. I, LIKE MOST PPL, HATE LETTING MYSELF BECOME VULNERABLE TO SOMEONE ELSE'S EMOTIONS AND ACTIONS........ITS NOT SO BAD IF ITS RECIPROCATED. AND ITS NOT SO BAD WHEN U PUT URSELF OUT THERE FOR PPL THAT U DONT REALLY CARE WHAT THEY THINK OR HOW THEY WILL REACT----THATS THE DIFFERENCE, CARING AND NOT CARING. JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I CARE THIS TIME............YEAH, I KNOW CHICA----QUIT BEING A PUSSY AND JUST SAY IT ALREADY!!! WHAT ASTOUNDING ADVICE THAT U GIVE ME!!! HAHAHA..............ANY OTHER ADVICE????

My new PUPPY! A seperate note!

Ok, no one likes drama. So, a good way to limit your drama intake is to find something that you like to do and or love. I have had a lot of stress here lately and I need something to help relieve that, something I could feel good about. Yes, I know, get laid but sometimes its deeper than that and a booty call just don't make it better. I went out and got my first puppy. Her name is ANGEL! She is a Sherpard Mix, 4 months old, and very playful. However, she did give me a scare. The other day she started not eating and not drinking. I had to take her to the Vet because I was very worried and how this could effect her health. She is sence doing better and gotten back to her tipical puppy self. God love her. What a blessing! Its away for me to get away from everything else. I needed another positive in my life. Now, on a seperate note, I have desided to take a break from the dating game and get things straight and figure out what the hell I want. Like I said before, I am not perfect and I know that there is always room for self improvment. So, the applications have now been put on hold and I will let everyone know when there is an open position. I am sure everyone can respect that. I need to enjoy life and I am 21 and now is the best time to enjoy it. So bring on the bars, drinks, and close friends (the rat pack) and family. It time to enjoy life and live love and the rest will come in time. Luv ya!

F.Y.I.

Hey, look people, no one likes an "ATTENTION WHORE" so get over yourself!

Asian Chicks, WTF!!!!!

What is it with guys and asian chicks? I think its their soft brown nipples! LMAO!!!!

WELL SHIT!

YEAH THATS RIGHT, SHIT! FIRST OF ALL I CANT WAIT FOR SCHOOL TO B OVER, GRRRR. SECOND, CHICA'S X U CAN SHUT UR MOUTH OR SUCK MY BALLS! THE WHOLE FUCKIN POINT OF THIS SITE IS TO SHARE OUR LIVES WITH EVERYONE OUT THERE. AND THATS ALL IM GOIN TO SAY BOUT U, THE SHIT U SAY AND THE STUPID FUCKIN SITUATION U AND CHICA HAD CAUSE ITS NOT WORTH ME WASTING MY BREATH! THIRDLY, IM SURE EVERYONE READ THE FUCKIN COMMENT MY X DECIDED TO LEAVE ME ON MY LAST POST.........WASNT THAT A FUCKIN HOOT?!?!?! ACTUALLY IT WAS BULLSHIT. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN HOOKIN BACK UP WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN SO EASILY DISREGUARD ME, MY FEELINGS, MY DREAMS AND ANYTHING THATS IMPORTANT TO ME!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT IF I WAS EVER INTERESTED IN TRYIN TO GET BACK WITH AN X I WOULDNT B SOOOO OPEN ABOUT MY SEXUAL EXPLOITS, AND FLAUNT THE FACT THAT IM STILL OUT THERE FUCKIN WHATEVER MOVES!!! TYPICALLY, BREAK UPS HAPPEN FOR A REASON AND IF U REALIZE THAT U MISS WHAT U LOST AND WANT IT BACK THEN U NEED TO DO TWICE AS MUCH WORK TO SHOW UR WORTHINESS THAN IF U HAD JUST MET SOMEONE RANDOMLY AND WAS TRYIN TO HOOK UP.........GET WHAT IM SAYIN?!?! DOESNT REALLY MATTER, CAUSE MY X TAUGHT ME ALL THE TRICKS TO THESE SORTS OF MIND GAMES AND IM A FUCKIN PRO NOW AT CATCHIN 'EM QUICK! ON TOP OF IT, AND THIS IS WHATS REALLY IMPORTANT..........I ONLY GIVE MY ATTENTION TO A PERSON THAT IS WORTHY!!!! THINK ABOUT THAT..................

TO: CHICA'S X........

FIRST OF ALL, U HAVE NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER TO SAY CHICA IS PUTTIN U DOWN TO LOOK GOOD FOR HER FRIENDS! WE ALL KNEW FROM THE GET GO U WERENT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER SO IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS OR DOESNT SAY. SECOND, SHE'S TELING THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH HURTS. NOT LIKE SHE'S SAYIN U WERE AN ASSHOLE ALTHOUGH WE'VE ALL COME TO THAT CONCLUSION ANYWAYS.....U KNOW THAT THE SITUATION BETWEEN HER AND U WAS EXACTLY LIKE SHE CALLED IT SO DONT EVEN PLAY THAT SHIT! QUIT LIVIN IN UR SICK LITTLE DILUSION AND GET REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEAL WITH URSELF AND STOP TRYIN TO MAKE UR ISSUES AN EXCUSE FOR THE WAY U LIVE UR LIFE AND TREAT PPL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE LAST THOUGHT........

SO I WAS VISITING CHICA AND WE GOT ON THE SUBJECT OF SEX, GO FIGURE?!?!?! ANYHOO.........WE WERE WONDERING WHATS UP WITH GUYS AND THEIR DICKS, MORE SPECIFICALLY THEIR DICK SIZE. WE WANNA KNOW WHAT MAKES A GUY "BLESSED" VERSUS OTHERS? CAUSE SERIOUSLY, WE HAVE BOTH SEEN GUYS THAT HAVE BIG HANDS/FEET OR R TALL BUT ITS LIKE WHAT HAPPENED DOWN BELOW? LMAO AND THEN WE HAVE SEEN GUYS THAT R SHORTER OR HAVE SMALL HANDS/FEET AND R LIKE HOLY SHIT, LOOK AT THAT THING!! ;) SO WHATS THE DEAL?!?!?!?!? IS IT JUST GENETICS OR LIFE STYLE OR EATING HABITS OR HOW OFTEN U GUYS R WHACKIN OFF?!?!?!?!?! ITS LIKE THE DIFFERENCES RANGE FROM SUMMER SAUSAGE TO MINIATURE FRANKS!!!!!! WHAT GIVES? HOW CAN THERE B SUCH A VARIETY? WE DO WANNA KNOW SO IF U HAVE ANY IDEAS OR EXPLANATIONS HIT US UP.......... :) HAHAHA

THANKSGIVING........

SO HERES MY IDEA, THE RAT PACK IS GOIN TO DO T-DAY OUR STYLE. WE'LL ALL GET TOGETHER THE NITE B4 THE REAL T-DAY AND HAVE OURSELVES A NICE DINNER, HANG OUT, AND DO WHAT WE USUALLY DO (MINUS THE ALCOHOL, HAHAHA) !!! EVERYONES CHIPPIN IN, BRINGIN A SIDEDISH AND ILL FIX THE BIG OL TURKEY--MMMMHAHAHAHAH, ROAST FUCKER ROAST!!! ........IF ONLY I COULD PLASTER SOMEONES PICTURE TO THAT BIRD........HAHAHA.........ANYWAYS, THATS THE PLAN FOR RIGHT NOW AND SO FAR EVERYONE IS DOWN WITH IT, CEPT ONE INDIVIDUAL THAT I INVITED-----SOMETHIN ABOUT BEING UNCOMFORTABLE AND ANXIOUS???? I CAN SYMPATHIZE, REALLY I CAN........BUT I FEEL THAT IF THIS PERSON REALLY CARES AND WANTS TO B INVOLVED IN MY LIFE THAT THEY JUST NEED TO MAKE A SACRIFICE, SUCK IT UP AND JOIN IN ON THE FUN. SERIOUSLY I KNOW WE SOUND SCARY BUT WE RNT AND PPL SHOULD SPEND THE HOLIDAYS (AND ANY OTHER DAY FOR THAT MATTER) WITH THE PPL IN THEIR LIFE THAT THEY CARE ABOUT!!! THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT.....AM I BEING OVERLY RIDICULOUS OR MY EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH??????????????

HOOCHIE MAMA

GIRL.....I DONT KNOW HOW MANY MORE TIMES U COULD SAY "KNOW" IN THAT LAST POST, BUT U CRACK ME UP!!! IM SORRY SHITHEAD IS GETTIN TO YA, BUT FUCK HIM AND HIS PUSSY WAYS-----HES NOT A REAL MAN AND WE ALL KNOW IT, SO TELL HIM TO PISS OFF AND KEEP UR EYES OPEN FOR A REAL STUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (IF HE'S ANY KIND OF A "MAN" HE'LL GET IT AND WONT B PISSED AT U FOR DOIN WHAT U GOTTA DO TO HELP URSELF) BESIDES, U DONT NEED ANYONE ELSE'S LOVE CEPT THE RAT PACK'S :) CANT WAIT TO C U.......I MISS YA !!!

SCHOOL.........

WELL I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL, ONE MORE TO GO! WOO HOO! LETS HOPE I DONT KILL ALL THE FUCKIN RETARDS THAT IM IN CLASS WITH ;) THEY ALL RANGE FROM THE LIL GIRL WHO CONSTANTLY ASKS, "DO WE HAVE TO DO THAT IN CLINICALS?" TO THE CINCI BITCH WHO CONSTANTLY GOES OFF ON PERSONAL RAMPAGES AND ASKS IRRELEVANT Q'S TO WASTE TIME---THEN TO BITCH ABOUT HOW WE DONT GET TO PRACTICE OUR SKILLS VERY MUCH!!! IS IT JUST ME OR DOES SHE NOT MAKE ANY SENSE?!?!?! THEN WE HAVE THE LPN BITCH WHO DOESNT WANT TO CHANGE DIRTY DEPENDS AND CLEAN UP AFTER RESIDENTS---GOOD THING SHES GOIN ON TO B A NURSE, ALTHOUGH IM NOT SURE UD WANT HER TO TAKE CARE OF U. AND THEN WE HAVE WEED GIRL WHO WILL ASK THE TEACHER TO REPEAT WHAT SHE JUST SAID----HMMM LESS WEED, MORE FOCUS!!! GRRRRRRRR SO WHILE IM GETTING A GOOD "TECHNICAL" REFRESHER COURSE I DO FEEL THE NEED TO STAND UP IN FRONT OF CLASS AND MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT: UR JOB IS TO WIPE ASS AND CARE FOR THESE RESIDENTS AS U WOULD CARE FOR URSELF! U WILL DO EVERYTHING WE PRACTICE HERE IN CLINICALS CAUSE THATS UR FUCKIN JOB!!! MAYBE THAT WOULD PAINT A CLEARER PICTURE FOR THESE DUMBASSES!!!! BUT ANYWAYS IM DOIN REAL GOOD ON ALL THE TESTS AND PRACTICES AND ETC. KEEP UR FINGERS CROSSED FOR ME THAT I DONT HIT SOMEONE NEXT WEEK IN CLASS----ILL KEEP Y'ALL UPDATED ;)

YAY!

Hola from the hoochie mama! Hey y'all I wanted to type a drunken entry! Okay so tipsy whatever. I want to rant and rave, but I know that all my rat pack really know. What Ireally want is just to hang with my rat pack for some reason. I don't know anymore. I wonder if I will ever really know.

ENGLISH, JOY!!!!!

I got to talk to my british friend last night! I was so excited! We were on the phone for over an hour. Talk about school girl. That was me of course he didn't know that. I was so happy to finally get to talk to him. Everyone knows how I feel about british accents! Awwwww! Anyway, I am really interested on learning more about him and the UK. I am planning a trip to the UK in the summer. I can't wait to go. He is a great person. Very kind, open minded, a gentalman, sweet, etc. It was just awesome! I don't know much else to say. Awesome, great conversation!

uSpilling a lot of SHIT(3 of 3)

This really isn't a bad thing. Just something I would like to share. I went out on a date today, with Version 2's friend which I will call him Mr. Love! HAHAHAHA thats just for you hun, Love you too! LMAO!!!! Anyway, I enjoyed Mr. Love's company very much. He was a gentalman. A very horny one at that. I didn't fuck him on the first date. I ain't easy. Anyway, I am not sure what to do or think. He has things to deal with on the home front and I am not sure I want to let someone have me not knowing whether or not I can have him for keeps. I don't like sharing. I think we hit it off pretty well. I was impressed. I would really like to meet with him again. Everything is fare game after the first date;)- I am not sure what else to say. So everyone have a great day! P.S To Mr. Love I am really glad that I met you but I am a little uncomfortable with your situation with the EX. I think we need to talk.

Spilling a lot of shit!(2 of 3)

Hey everyone! Look, there is this guy that I have been fucking for over a year. I told him from the get go that I was worth more than a piece of ass. He exclaimed that he understood and I proceeded to let him chase me around for a while longer. We will call him ELMO. I finally let him get the best of me, literally. He had told me at that time that he wasn't wanting a relationship. I was hurt but continued to see him. I figured he would evenually come around once he found out more about me. The sex wasn't nessarcarly great but it wasn't bad either. The more and more I was with him however, it became wonderful. I knew then even though the sex hasn't changed, my feelings had. I know I am falling for him. So I tried to do little things to let him know that I cared and that he met something to me; back rubs, wear certain outfits, and talk about things other than sex. He don't seem to want to care or he just ain't getting my hints. I really enjoy Elmo's company and I would like to spend more time with him than I do. I don't know what to do. Should I tell him flat out or should I not do anything at all. What do I do? I don't want to lose what I have but if it could be something more than I would like it too. I am so confused about our quote unquote relationship. I would do anything for him even though I am not liking the fact that I have fallin' for him. I think about him often and wonder how he is doing and what he is thinking about. Is it me and anytime or am I really just what he had intended from the get go, A BOOTY CALL!!!! Its killing me inside and I am torn on what to do. If anyone has some advice please give it. What would you do if you were in this situation? I will glady write you and read your comments with an open mind. Thanx too all!

Spilling a lot of SHIT!!!!(1 of 3)

Hey ya'll! I thought I would tell you all know some fucked up things in my life. But first Hi too my Rat Pack ya'll know what I am talking about! Anyway, I dated this guy for a short period of time and I now know what guys mean about girls bitching all the time because I can relate even though it wasn't a girl I was with. I went through a lot of emotional shit with this guy. First off isn't over his exgirl which dumped him over a year ago. Now, I try to be a good girlfriend and I know I am not perfect by no means but damn! I had to put up with this shit through out the whole relationship. He pissed and moaned over this chick as if she was something great and made me feel second best. He cried over what he didn't have and didn't do shit about it until after I left him and then all of the sudden he is doing better and he wants me back and he is sorry. Meanwhile at the end of our relationship I am meant to look like the asshole. I tried to help him out as much as I could but no help in return. Everytime he came to see me he had to always borrow money, which he hasn't paid back, for him to go home or whatever. I had to pay for everything. It sucked. Now I know what a lot of guys go through and I feel for ya, including the girls who was ever in my situation. My friends and family tried to warn me but I didn't want to listen. I am very sorry ya'll! Now that we are 0ver he still calls and stupidly, at times, I call him back trying to be nice. Oh brother! He tries to make me jealous by saying he has met this chick and blablabla. Who fucking cares. I wish her the best of luck with him because she is going to need it. I am not saying that he isn't a good person just not one that anyone should date until he has his shit straight and that will probably be whenever he stops and realizes life and the world don't evolve around him. Its sad to say that I am doing better than him and my age than he is at his. OUCH!!!!! Anyway, I guess that is life, a BITCH! And I don't remember being a lesbian.

THIS WEEKEND.....

I HAD A GOOD WEEKEND---SAW VERSION 2, THAT WENT EXTREMELY WELL ;) I ALSO GOT TO SEE MANDY. I THINK SHE HAS A HOOK UP WITH ONE OF VERSION 2'S FRIENDS TOMORROW MORNIN! GO GET 'IM GIRL!!! GOT TO SEE MY BRO FOR A LIL BIT TOO, ALWAYS INTERESTING. TODAY HE TALKED ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD AND KICKIN EVERYONES ASS........AND ABOUT BEING IN CONTROL. I WONDER BOUT HIM SOMETIMES, BUT THEN AGAIN GOD KNOWS SOME OF THE SHIT THAT HAS COME OUTTA MY MOUTH MMMMHAHAHA!!! DO Y'ALL REALIZE NEXT MONTH IS CHRISTMAS??????? IM NOT LOOKIN FORWARD TO IT, I FEEL SICK JUST THINKIN ABOUT IT. (THOSE THAT KNOW ME KNOW Y) I DONT HAVE ANYTHING FOR ANYONE AND IM DREADING GOIN INTO THOSE STORES!!! UGH. OH, AND HOOCHIE MAMA, DONT FEEL LEFT OUT BY ME AND CHICA'S ADVENTURE...........U KNOW WE'RE GOIN TO TAKE U!! AND WE BOTH KNOW CHICA IS STILL THE EXPERT ON THAT SORT OF THING! ;) ...............ANYHOO I THINK I HAVE SOMETHIN IN THE WORKS FOR THANKSGIVING, RAT PACK STYLE SO ILL KEEP Y'ALL POSTED!!!!! :)

WOW!!!

SO I HAD ANOTHER FIRST WITH MANDY......... :) WE WENT TO THE LION'S DEN!!!! HAHAHA I DIDNT KNOW THEY MADE DILDOS THAT BIG AROUND!!!! MY GOD!!!! AND ITS FUNNY THAT SOOO MANY PPL GO THERE AT SUCH AN ODD TIME OF NITE, GUESS WE ALL FEEL A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT VISITING A STORE LIKE THAT. BUT I WASNT AS "EMBARASSED" AS I THOUGHT I WAS GOIN TO B---U KNOW LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL OR SOMETHIN!!! ;) I THINK I MAY HAVE TO REVISIT SOON!!! ITS LIKE HAVING A WISH LIST, ;) .............WELL AT LEAST I GOT THAT CHECKED OFF MY LIST OF THINGS TO DO B4 I DIE!!!! THANKS CHICA FOR BEIN THERE, U WERE A WORLD OF HELP, HAHAHA :)

HELLO!!!!! 

New Piercing!!!!!!!!!!!

Whats up everyone! I have got a new piercing. This now makes 12! I am excited. Everyone knew it was coming. Its my thing ya know. I love'em. Just in case you were wondering I pierced the nose! Anyway just thought you should know! Talk to ya'll later.

WHATEVER....

THIS WK HAS BEEN DIFF.....I HAVENT SEEN TIM AT ALL, SAW MANDY TODAY AND OFCOURSE I TALK TO DARCY ONLINE JUST BOUT EVERYDAY. I GOT GOOD NEWS THAT THERE WAS A SPOT OPEN FOR MY STNA CLASSES---I HAVE TO GET RECERTIFIED, SO I TOOK IT. I START ON MONDAY, WOOHOO! LATELY I HAVE BEEN HAVIN ALOT OF CONVOS ABOUT JEALOUSY.......I DONT GET IT, MAYBE ITS SOMETHIN IN THE AIR, MAYBE I SHOULD B PAYIN MORE ATTENTION---AS IF IM SUPPOSED TO B GETTIN SOME LIFE LESSON......I THINK JEALOUSY STEMS FROM CARING BUT TOO MUCH TEARS A RELATIONSHIP APART, CAUSE U HAVE TO B ABLE TO TRUST THE PERSON UR WITH.....SO MAYBE IT ISNT ABOUT CARING AT ALL, MAYBE ITS ABOUT TRUST, BUT U TRUST SOMEONE BASED ON WHETHER OR NOT THEY KEEP THEIR WORD(CAUSE THATS ALL A PERSON IS WORTH, THEIR WORD), AND U BUILD TRUST FROM HONESTY AND GOOD COMMUNICATION---BUT A PERSON THAT IS HONEST AND COMMUNICATES WELL IS HARD TO FIND THESE DAYS. AND HOW DO U KNOW THAT THE PERSON UR TALKIN TO IS TELLIN THE TRUTH OR SPITTIN GAME TO GET SOMETHING THEY WANT, TOO MANY PPL R MOTIVATED BY ALTERIOR MOTIVES.....DOES THE CYCLE EVER END??? I GUESS IT BOILS DOWN TO FAITH, U HAVE TO HAVE FAITH IN WHAT THEY R TELLIN YA AND IF THEY R SINCERE IT WILL SHOW BY THEM KEEPING THEIR WORD AND THEN TRUST WILL BUILD AND THEN THERE SHOULDNT B ANY JEALOUSY.........RIGHT???????????? LEMME KNOW

Fuck U Dude!!!! 

WTF?!?! 

Fat lesbian ballerina 

Ho for sale!  

Dark Angel and Pimp 

NOT HALLOWEEN..... just kidding!

I will try not to copy too much from everyone else. I had a great weekend with the rat pack. It was just what I needed. Movie, friends, alcohol, and BEING A HO! Tasha's ho nonetheless. It was great with the exception of the philosophic bullshit I was telling. Tasha yellow cause you are usually happy except on your asshole days. Tim clear because I don't know you well so you seem to magnify people around you. And Mandy pink because she is beautiful on the inside and it is a true beauty. Thank you hun for showing me what I needed to see. *hugs all of the rat pack* I can't wait to see you all again at thankgiving and until then I miss y'all so much!

HALLOWEEN!!!

Hi ya'll!!!! OMG! Let me tell you a story about a slammin Halloween party! The parting basically started on Friday. It was the girls night, well, aside from celebrating Tim's birthday. I got to Tasha's house first. It was great to be back in the neighborhood again, well, with Tasha anyways! She had made some jello shots eariler that day and of course you know that I had to try to make sure that the finished product was good. Let me tell you, mmmmmmmmmmm. Anyway, we then went to the store to grap more jello and more Schnapps. I became a very beautiful evening. We finished making the shots and soon there after Darcy had came over. OMG its HOOCHIEMAMMA!!!!!!! I miss her so much. All my girls are so much fun. Anyway, again all of us girls were taking shots. After awhile we went and seen the new movie "SAW". Awesome movie I do reckmend. We got back to the house and Tim was waiting for us. We had cake and ice cream and SHOTS of course. Later on that night we and some friends stop by to see us. Chris and his friend. They didn't drink but we still had a lot of fun. We talked about crazy off the wall shit. We came up with a new sport but I am not going to talk about it now. We all stayed up for hours. We didn't get to bed until about 5:30am. CCCRRRAAAZZZYYY!!!!! Whats crazier is that us girls turned around and got up at like Noon. We had to get the finishing touches to our costumes. We got home and started to get ready for the party. Three girls, in a one bedroom appartment, is NUTS! We were all showering and having makeup done, which I would now like to take a moment to thank Tasha for my hotel room and my makeup "THANK U FOR MAKING THINGS HAPPEN THIS WEEKEND!!!", anyway, it was actually more organized then u would think. Tim was running late as usual, love ya Tim, he finally showed up and he still needed to go and get his costume. While he was gone all of us girls and finally gotten ready. We had neighbors take pictures and we took pictures. Tasha and Darcy made an awesome PIMP and HO! Hot mammas!!!! I, however, was a dark angel. I didn't follow the pimp and ho theme but we all still looked HOT! Tim finally got back and he was a whale of a woman in a totoo. That was the funnest shit I have ever seen. We all went to the Haunted House soon there after. It was kick ass. I am not a big haunted house fan but it was pretty good. We got back to Miss Muffy Muffins house and started to drink. We drank, played cards, listened to music, have an awesome time, and got anylized by Darcy. Long story but let me give you a preview, all of us has a color and dominates our lives, Which is yours? After a long night of partying we all got to go to bed, at about 5:30am, again. Darcy and I was up at about 9:30am and then got Miss Muffy Muffins up. Darcy had too leave shortly there after. It was very sad. Love ya girl. At about 1pm I left Tasha's. I wanted to cry. I am so used to being with my friends everyday or so and being able to see Tasha whenever I wanted. I miss them all so much and I can't wait too see all of my BEST FRIENDS again. I Love You!!!