Positively Negitive.

Dooky bird Williams uh? LOL!!! U make me fucking laugh. Dooky? Shit right? Ok SHITHEAD, maybe you don't read the post like you claim that you do. I am sure in most of them I do make reference that I am just writing shit to write. Just for the feed back. Thanx for yours by the way. I don't need to do drugs. Reality is what it is and its not always mine. Its just shit. Besides drugs make ppl like you interestign and I wouldn't want to waste the money on SHIT!
Tasha, I most certainly hope you are not feeling guily for us living so far apart that you would think I would post something like this to get back at you or anyone else. No one has hurt me this time. Actually, the main purpose for that section was because a girl that I work with broke down the other day and she was complaining that it always seems like when you need friends the most they are never there. She is going through a rough time. If I had a problem with you hun you know I would tell you formally and not through this. I know that sch. are different and money is short for everyone. Understandable. I know that we all try.
Now, on a brighter note. School is going very well and I am very excited to be back in the swing of things. Its nice to feel something great. I feel like I am finally accomplishing something that I have wanted for so long. I can't wait for the challenges ahead. I have also met a bunch of new ppl. Interesting. Its different but I think I like it. Meeting new ppl is always fun. And speaking of meeting new ppl. I have met a few prospects. Nothing set in stone and nothing has come of really anything yet but I am hopeful for one in particular. No heartbreaks. No need for it Tasha. I know what you are talking about to and no. Its cool. Work is going well. A couple of stressful days but its not bad. I get the job done and I love the ppl that I work with. I love my job and I enjoy the different challenges that get thrown at me. Well, now that all the negitivity and some positive things are out I am going to finish writing my report for schoool.

THE WEEKEND IS OVER ALREADY?

friday nite was the last nite of a 4 day stretch for me at work....and thank god cause it was shitty. and not just "oh work was shitty" i mean shitty like FUBAR. i came home so irate that i didnt even speak to tim til i got out of the shower. as y'all have heard me say we're short staffed at work. well friday nite we had an agency STNA come to fill in, so that left 3 of us on the floor. (normal would b 4) i took the center hall and while comin out of one res. room a nurse says to me that a res. in the next room had their legs hangin off the bed to go and fix them. now i had just put someone to bed so my hands were full of trash and dirty linen.....after puttin that stuff away i get a gown and head to the res. room to "fix" them. as im walkin in they finish sliding out of bed. had the nurse done her job and "fixed" the res. herself the fall would have been completely avoided. in the time it took her to tell me to help the res. she coulda done it herself. let alone that the same nurse kept tellin me to watch after the agency lady, c if she needed any help, etc. which i was whenever i got the chance, but FUCK! agency r STNA's too, they know how to lift, transfer and wipe ass just like the rest of us....its not really servin a purpose to have one come in if they need to b babysat!!! i was wound up tight.

soooo glad i had the weekend off to relax. i finally got to cookout saturday. and i watched the new bruce willis movie---hostage. it was aight, i was expecting more of bruce's badass side. the other movie i watched surprised me, i didnt have much expectations for it all---assault on precinct 13. it turned out to b really good.....especially when this guy gets stabbed in the eye with an icicle!! hell yeah. that was pretty much my weekend, didnt feel like runnin around after busting my ass so hard at work all week. i did get to make tim a new dessert today....pretty sure ill have to make it for him again!! 2 more days and we're goin putt puttin. it should b interesting with havin one of my res. with me and tims nephew taggin along. ill b sure to share anything interesting bout that trip. :)

Takin Notes

On a brighter note, I found myself miscarring last saturday. How fucking great. I told what would have happen the father and all he did was appologize. Oh well. All things happen for a reason. Its like everything is fallin to pieces around here. The only good thing is that I have started school and things are going well. Good Job Self, pats on the back, Keep Up The Good Work!!!

Anyway, I want to take this time out to say CONGRATS to my boy Justin and his girl on their first born. Its a boy, Evan, I believe, 7lbs 2oz, 20in long. Apparently, looks just like J. I was told J is just glowing and over whelmed with joy. I know he will be a great dad. Good luck man. I send my love.

Lifes Lessons

I am learning a couple of things as I am getting older. First is that you heart don't mean shit. If you have one you get walked on and if you don't then you may be an asshole but aleast you are a head of the game. Second, throughout life you begin to understand the true meaning of friendship and start to realize who those ppl are in you life. Have you ever wondered if there is anyone at all? Hhhmmm, I guess at the end of it all you diffenately know one true thing and that is that you can only depend on you and you can't fully rely on anyone but you to make things happen. Example, have you ever noticed that when it seems like you really need someone no one is ever there and when shit just is they are always around? Makes you wonder. Oh well, thats more mindless chatter that ain't ever going to matter to shit. Sometimes I can't wait to kick the bucket. Atleast I won't have to think about shit anymore.

DOUBLE STANDARDS

so my day on tuesday went better than my day off on monday, which doesnt seem to make sense considering i worked. sometimes u just need a good distraction, not to mention that when i work im there completely...i dont think about shit goin on in my personal life. i have a resident at work thats fast become my buddy. ive decided to take them out with tim and darcy next week when we go play putt putt. well i didnt know this facilities standard for takin residents out except that another employee takes the same res. out frequently. looooonnnnggg story short when i asked one nurse manager it got back to the DON who came and told me it wasnt a good idea.....blah blah fuckin blah. (nothin but bullshit) it really pissed me off. i was insulted cause like i said another employee takes the same res. out all the time, just convenient that the employee is a nurse and older than me. fuckers!! anyhoo the res. confronted the DON and was lied to. now im thinkin the res. has okayed it with their guardian, they r of right mind and the boss is only the boss so long as im clocked in at work. im takin the resident out with me anyways. they cant tell me how to spend my time and who with when im not there.......wish me luck that this doesnt somehow in some fucked up way effect my job. ill keep ya posted.

speakin of jobs........the facility is hiring!!!! any STNA's out there lookin??? hahaha im soooo sick of workin short, its ridiculous. and they wonder y the help wont stay.............'nough bout work, everything else is peachy. (well mostly peachy ;) ) more later----ciao

FUCKIN FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!!!!

my day off was seemingly uneventful.....however last nite was a late nite for me. tims sis was lookin for a babysitter and i called darcy. she comes over so that we can call his sis and talk out details but there was no answer. sooo we all pile in the car and go over at midnite!! to my surprise she wasnt pissed at us for wakin her up, it was a good time--lots of laughs but a late nite nonetheless. today.....i did NOT get enough sleep and was already somewhat cranky. i ran to wally world and guess who i saw there??? the x!!! i asked him about my moms stuff and he tells me that he didnt bring it. not too much of a surprise there but its still bullshit!!! he told me id have to go to his house and pick the shit up.....i asked him y he couldnt make a trip back to his place and pick the shit up now that his car "wasnt sooo full" (as he put it). then he says well u just come with me and pick out the things u want if u dont want it all. GOD!!! after explaining the concept of a set schedule he says that he'll c what he can do for me. oh g thanks sooooo fuckin much for the fuckin consideration. i try really, really hard to not let him bust my bubble but he knows how much this stuff means to me and thats the point i guess. he uses it. if i didnt know better id say that he pulls this shit just so that we have one more thing to deal with each other over. FUCK ME!!! it makes me FURIOUS that hes got my moms things and he just keeps finding excuses to not let me have them. i could cry. these things mean the world to me and y he wants to b a dickhead and selfish is beyond me. i would try to reason with him if i truly thought it would do any good....but it wont. all his blood flow is consumed by his dick which impairs his thinking.

needless to say after hearin this news and the lack of sleep i was in uber bitch mode. havin tims sis bring her son over to meet darcy pushed me over the edge. i dont do well with spastic kids....even though most ppl would say that "kids r that way". ugh, dont think so. im tryin to keep in mind it wasnt that bad, and that had i gotten more sleep and not seen the x---even if i had seen the x but with more sleep---it woulda been better. *sighs* im wound up pretty tight. deep breaths rnt helping and neither did playin at the park. ;) tomorrow WILL b better.

NERVOUS BREAK DOWNS

ok on occassion i freak out, stress out, worry....w/e u wanna call it. i know that when im "freakin out" about grown up stuff, ie--bills, the car, food in the house, a loved one--that its with due cause. there r reasons behind those things that i can mentally list to give purpose to the freak out....like gettin paid and havin 4 bills due instead of 2 and worryin about how im gonna pay the other 2 that came in. or havin a loved one sick or depressed and worryin about their well being. but what causes freak outs in relationships??? is it the fact that one person (or both) have been hurt b4 and dont want to experience it again??? is it a need to not loose ur partner??? is it a guilty conscious??? is it a desire to know everything about them when they rnt being sooo open??? is it a lack of trust or faith??? im really curious. i have been preachin that i think relationships r easy with the right person. and i still believe it. b open, b honest, talk to ur partner and all should b ok. right? think about it......ppl become unhappy when they bottle shit up and cant talk to their partner, or do talk to their partner with no results. sooooo u both talk, u both listen, u both try to compromise and viola!! maybe freak outs come from unnecessary worry??? (thank god tim and i can talk) any insights to y y'all have freaked out may b helpful to me understanding this phenomenon............

side note---the x is in town and was supposed to bring my moms stuff with him this time. he called last nite at 330am. course i didnt even hear the phone ringing....called him back today, left message. we'll c if he brought my stuff or not. have to remind him of his parking ticket AGAIN. grrrrrrrrr.

I Hate Being An Adult!

I hate being an adult. Let me tell ya, I got paid today and it fuckin sucks. The pay was nice I had 24 hours of OT but fuckin bills man. Damn, every fuckin bit of it is gone. Sometimes I just wish I could throw myself on the floor and throw a tantram, scream, shout, kick, curse, I don't care. To top everything off I had to go and get books for school today. Fuckin christ. My student loans for the first year is spread out amoung 4 quarters. Not by my choosenin however. Needless to say I had to pay for my damn books. All of them. Its not like I am taking a bunch of classes, I am takin 2, but it was $150 for fuckin books. 2 fuckin books. They are fuckin rapein ppl. Geez, talk about bend over and grab your ankles. Damnit. I know next quarter will be worse. I am taking English and Anatomy, I think, depending on how they fit. Ya know. I can't imagin how much those fuckin books will cost. pppppfffffftttttttttt! Alright, I am done venting. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alone

Has anyone ever thought about dying alone? Whether or not you would have the things that complete life and make life worth living when you die. Would you be able to die in peace without worrying if you were walking alone on the other side? Are you doing as you should? Have you ever thought there is a purpose to suffering? Like the reasoning behide your suffering was because you wouldn't have to suffer after you are gone. I often think about this stupid shit when I am alone. Maybe thats my problem. I am always alone. I often cry myself to sleep at night or simple try in drink all the thoughts so I wouldn't have to think about them if only for a short period of time. If you had the opption whether or not to feel what would you choose? Why? Do you ever think about what its really like to walk in someone elses shoes? BlahBlahBlah! I don't know. Just thought I would type down this stupid shit to see if it would help. I don't think it is. Oh well. Moving on.......

Anyways!!!!

I am starting school on Monday. Yea for me. I am glad to see you back Tasha. As I am sure you know by now I started my own blog. I had to because it takes up so much room. No offense. I did take you advice and decide to, well, you know. I don't have to say it. Do you remember what you told me? Don't say it aloud. Check it out. Well, I know this is short but hey. I am a busy chick.

BOXED IN

im feelin that "itch" again. the one where u feel like uve been stuffed into the smallest box ever and all u can think about is busting out but for the love of god u cant figure out how to bust the box open. ?!?!? when it was still snowing i figured it was cabin fever, but its perfectly nice out and still im havin this feeling. i feel like i could run screamin outta my house and never look back........at least til i lose my breath. dont get me wrong i can sit and chill at home most days all day but this "itch" has me ansy. ive done my budget too many times for me to remember the exact count and it all worked out fine. i cant help but worry about not havin anything extra to go and DO STUFF. i guess i just need to get a month under my belt and c the budget in action. that and im feelin a little pissed that me and my friends have talked about doin all this stuff this summer and not a damn plan has been formed. ugh. i think im goin to start makin the dates to do this shit and then just tell everyone, cause at least then someone is doin somethin about it!!! i hate talk w/o action. *sighs* and i feel bad that whenever darcy, angie or mandy come around all we end up doin 9 times outta 10 is sittin around bullshittin. tim says that they come around b/c they like me, that its not b/c they want me to entertain them. i guess hes right, otherwise they would get up and leave. true. *sighs again* next weekend im off i swear im doin anything but sit around my house, even if it means i go sit my ass at someone elses house!!!

IM BACK!!!!!! MMMHAHAHA

HELLO HELLO HELLO!!! well i got all moved in and finally settled. we thought the house was phone ready and come the 1st when the phone service was supposed to b transferred......ummm nothin. so i had to call sprint like 3 times to finally get the shit str8. fuckers. grrrrr. i was close to havin withdrawals from the internet, good thing the phone got fixed when it did!!! lol. that and i was gettin anxious bout everyone thinkin i was on some huge asshole trip by not answerin my calls or bein online........not the case y'all. :)

it took us just 2 trips usin 2 trucks to get shit moved. the last trip the trucks were packed and we were all following each other like some convoy. my bro's gf pulled out behind me and all of a sudden i c my bro runnin down coshocton ave grabbin a piece of wood off the road. he jumps back in and we continue our lil train.....then a piece of my couch almost fell off the other truck!! good times. but nothin was damaged and everyone stayed safe!

the bath tub here is soooo small!! seriously its small enough that i can sit in it at a 90 degree angle and have my feet touch one side and my back the other! now thats fuckin small!! tim and i sat in this narrow box i had shit packed up in to demonstrate what it would b like if we were to ever try to get in the tub together.......when i get the film developed ill have to post it. :D

thats bout it.....everyone thats come to c the new place has said its really nice and i have to agree. :) oh! me tim and darcy had a rock hunting adventure! i felt like a little kid and i even got in the nasty river water!! woohoo. really, i put the big rocks around my flower beds to give them an edge....then ofcourse we planted flowers. the flowers tim picked out r pretty cool.....they open up during the day and close their petals at nite!!!

aight.......more later. i promise it wont b anymore house stories. ;)

I miss you Tasha!

I miss you so much tasha. I can't wait to talk to my friend again. I hope you get reconnected soon. Luv and miss ya much. ----Chica

Check it Out!!!!!

www.TheNaughtyStories.blogspot.com

completely random

So I talked to a friend orat least i think we are still friends, but we haven't talked for a while and i think i annoy him more than anything else. i almost wish i hadn't called him but i thinkihad to make sure he wasn't worth effort anymore. i will still try to be friends with him but i just won't call him anymore. i just can't stand when i try to talkto someone that i haven't talked to in a while and they have don't talk much and when they do it isn't really a conversation. i guess it's mroethat we used to be best friends and i thought he knew me well and he didn'teven try to have a comversation with me.
I also was hanging out with a friend today and we were walking on the bike path and so a van for english cockers and i got going on why they were called cockers. of course in my head all i saw was COCK. But i decided to look it up and found that they are called that because they were good at hunting woodcock. I just laughed because the first thing that popped in my head was that's redundant. It ammused me so i thought i would share it. plus i thought i might scare tash by posting 3 times before she could post again.