sorry

Hey everyone, I am sorry I haven't posted in a lnog time. I just ahve trouble because our internet on campus SUCKS ASS! It takes forever to load a page that doesn't load right. Then I have to mess with it for five minutes. I tried to post a comment on something a while ago. But on my second attempt I gave up cause it deleted what I wanted to say so I had to start over again. And if it does that on this then I give up. Just wanted to drop a line so y'all know why I ain't posting much. Love you all!

JUST ME, JUST HERE

i got to c my bro last thursday, when i was on my way to c angie again. angie and i went to lodi to the prime outlet mall up there so that i could find somethin for tim---somethin cute so that way if he didnt feel the same about me he could fluff it off or read into it. i put a board game in his car that was relevent to us and i got the response i was lookin for........ :) woohoo!! yesterday tim, mandy and i hung out, that was fun. i also went to pick up my laundry that i had taken to my bros house on thursday and found a letter from a collections agency for a parking ticket that my x still hasnt paid from september!! then while mandy and i r waitin for tim to get here i get a phone call from a collector over my xs last phone bill when he was livin in maryland!! needless to say my atty will b getting this new found information. i pray to god that the plan i have with my atty will work and get my x to pay his bills!! i hate to get my hopes up cause the atty wasnt very convincing, but its all i got to go with. ugh. anyhoo, i hope all is well with everyone else.......cause on this end its just the same shit a different day!

cos---thanks for checkin in! i dont think that i was lacking interest and desire b/c i dont know what im doin with my life. it was more b/c i was hatin the dating scene, not that i was desperate to hook up cause i was and still am perfectly comfortable with myself and the way my life is--even though theres shitty stuff that happens on occassion. ;) and fyi....the guy im referring to is a friend ive had for 10yrs...........sorry to hear that ur being run ragged, take a day off and do nothing :)

WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?

come out come out where ever u r! this is an official roll call! lmao i know mandy isnt feelin good, talked to her the other day. believe me she sounds like shit---HOPE U FEEL BETTER CHICA! and i know that tim is doin aight, cause i saw him just yesterday. but darcy......where in the hell r u??? i miss ya hoochie mama! when r u comin home next??? ill even go as far to call out cos. maybe we're all busy livin in the "real world"? thats cool, thats much better than sittin in front of this damn box. but y'all r worryin me........hit me up with somethin!!!!!!!! i havent even gotten to c my bro, i go to visit and hes never there, so i just bullshit with his gf---still id like to c his face! hmmmm.......................i got to c my girl angie the other day. that was nice considering i havent seen her in oh i dont know at least a month. however she got me all flustered.......shes good at givin me the reality checks that i need. (so is the rest of the ratpack, im not knockin them) but i tell ya, she had my hands sweatin and my eyes wellin up with tears---partly cause i was laughin so hard, but also cause she had me feelin like i was in high school again crushin on some boy. (amazing how some ppl affect u huh?) i was tellin her bout me havin no desire or passion for anything or anyone right now. we talked about how it could b in part over the shit ive had to deal with over the last couple of wks, but im not really stressin over it---ive got a plan, and so that makes me feel better over that shit. we've concluded that its mostly b/c im lookin for something that i cant find but yet is right in front of my face. which i wasnt even aware of cause i wasnt lookin to find it in this person. this is the point in our conversation that u would insert flustration, hand sweating and tears. i never thought to find what i was lookin for in this person cause.......well.......we're friends. but lately the dynamic of our friendship has changed a lil bit, way more cuddling, makin plans(which he isnt known to do), and hugs now everytime b4 he leaves. i thought it was a lil odd, and still didnt make anything of it til talkin with angie. im still not goin to make anything of it, but its left me with all kinds of questions. yeah yeah, i know just talk to him, ask him the questions........what if i do and he didnt realize what hed been doin and to him its nothing and then ive made an ass of myself??? and potentially made our friendship very very weird??? what to do, what to do

EAT UR WHEATIES!!! :)

well i have spent some time surfing thru some other blogs today. i never thought that mine, or ours, was something of great importance. so many ppl discussing so many things. it put into perspective how small we all really r. ironic though is that in my surf i found a blog that had asked a similar, if not the same question, i have asked b4---"what causes ppl to lie?" and while i was contemplating a comment i in turn answered my own question. mainly cause i thought about the reasons i have ever lied---be it when i was a teen tryin to get outta trouble, or holding some info back to protect a loved one, or to the boss to get a day off. but thats neither here nor there. there were so many blogs talkin about politics, philosophy, relationships, newborns struggling to live, funny stories being related to everyday life.............im not goin to recall each ones specifics, but it was amazing to know that so many ppl use this as an online diary of their lives. and it was strangely odd, it made me question what my reason was for mentioning the idea of this to the ratpack. i still havent come up with a "good reason" for doin it. i have kept a journal for several yrs now, for me this is just a different version of it---though im not AS forthcoming with my personal thoughts as i would b if i were writing in my journal in my nightstand. THOSE thoughts r for my own therapy, no one elses. and here i am rambling on and on with no point really but this.........our experiences, family and friends r the sustenance of life and if i couldnt share that then i dont know if i would exist. i would have nothin to ground myself to. my grandma use to tell me to eat my wheaties and play basketball so that i would get taller. hearing this when i was younger threw me for a loop, cause seriously wheaties and basketball have nothin to do with ur height! that and wheaties r disgustingly plain, basketball a bore to me then(and now).........but maybe she meant that i should embrace and enjoy the simple and boring things of life cause thats the sustenance. most of us dont have the frills and foo foo, we go to work, come home, do the chores and have our fam and friends. i cant ask grandma what she meant by that now, shes long been in heaven.......but if eating my wheaties means that i should appreciate the small stuff, gimme a big bowl!

well folks, theres not much to report. seems like i am yet again takin the responsiblity for about 20 other ppl and not just myself. sometimes i hate being a grown up, but i do what i gotta do. i went to the attys office but i wont share what the plan is on here cause i want it to b a "surprise attact", lol. i also went to the chiropractors......i feel so much better now. :) i saw tim yesterday, we went walmarting. i got a new book to read. its called "false memory", its by dean koontz. during the course of me reading about 100 pages of it last nite i came across a paragraph that struck me and so im goin to share it and c what y'all think of it..............
"language cant describe reality. literature has no stable reference, no real meaning. each readers interpretation is equally valid, more important than the author's intention. in fact, nothing in life has meaning. reality is subjective. values and truth are subjective. life itself is a kind of illusion........"
i have heard b4 that reality is based on ur own perception, which gives truth to the statement that life is a kind of illusion. and i know that everyone has a different set of values/truth/morals/ethics, etc. which also gives truth to the whole subjective thing. but if all of this is true then how can one person know that anything is real and genuine? what keeps us all here and functioning instead of being psychotic and paranoid? cause if we're all livin in our own lil world with our own perceptions which r illusions then im not so sure that we all dont need to b drugged! just something to think about.....................................................

GO UNFUCK URSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

so ive had yet another incident with my x, woohoo. and yes its still over the car, i wish hed just get that car outta my name! but he doesnt cause thats the only thing keeping us "connected", yet hes "desperate" to make it so that we never have to deal with each other again! funny,huh!?!? hes sick and demented, the way he works, the lies he tells. hes run to his mommy to tell her that i have given out information about his family---which i have NOT---so that the bank can call them and harass them over the payments! u know his mom actually called me up and threatened me over it! lmao, wtf!?! seriously, they all believe what they want so it doesnt matter even IF i wanted to defend myself. anyhoo, i have been extroadinarily nice up until this point. he has fucked my credit in september, october and again in december. now i let it slide in sept. cause he was movin and i gave him the benefit of the doubt that he hadnt had the chance to transfer his accts yet, in october he said he was in a financial bind so i let that slide too, but this is the LAST time. i WILL b callin my attorney on monday and i WILL tell him to do w/e he needs to do to make my xs life a living hell cause theres no reason to NOT pay ur bills! while im venting now im not bitchin cause it was MY choice to let it slide for sooo long. im just in utter shock and awe that my x can cause so much havoc for so many ppl just by the shit that spews outta his mouth or the shit he seemingly doesnt remember. (funny how that works, I CAN HAVE SELECTIVE MEMORY TOO!) think about it, not only is he puttin me thru hell, the call he gave to his mom got her all rowled up too, not to mention what his gf/fuckbuddy/w/e is thinkin knowin that hes still callin me. (doesnt do much good for me either, when i have to explain this situation to ppl i meet) its weird, i thought getting a divorce would rid me of the fuck up, the liar, the immature/irresponsible, waste of his daddys cum wad, mean, nasty, low down piece of shit that he is. we dont even have kids for fucks sake!! guess i was misinformed. but i still pray for his soul, that he will one day realize the kind of person he is and want to make a change. no luck so far as this situation clearly demonstrates. i can only hope.............:)

Gamble, Gamble, Gamble!!!!!

All of life is a gamble. We make guesses and choices that determine the present and future and sometimes we wish that we would have played the other cards that were first in our hands. I have been delt some pretty shity hands however you win some and you lose some. My hand now ain't that bad. Except for that damn joker that I can't wait to get rid of but I know it takes time. HA HA HA!! Besides, after all the hands I have played, I still make out alright. As long as you learn from the poor choices made, you will always make out one way or another. Of course, thats depending on how you want to see things too. Take it as it best suits you.

GOOD NEWS!!

i called the state testing agency yesterday to c if they had the results of my test yet........and they did. I PASSED! I PASSED! I PASSED! woohoo!!!! >does the happy dance< :)

Back at Ya

Cos,
You are definately right on the whole actions speak louder than words thing. I know too many people who will tell you just what you want to hear and then in the next heart beat they can walk over pull your heart out of your chest and watch the life get sucked out without caring at all.
I guess emotions though are what I live for. To me they are a fire that light me. If nothing else they just help me feel alive. For some of us, all we have are our emotions Cos. When you can't fight or get anyone to listen to you, all you can do is let the feeling grow until it is so intense that it takes over for you. See me I don't fight until you really piss me off. I am the kind of person that doesn't step on toes cause I can see where everyone is coming from. I guess that means all I can do is try to empathize and understand from that way. (sorry for the rambling.)
I would suggest to you though that you look into emotions a little more, especially if you study prejudice.

JUST FOR U

ok, so my friend brad is feelin a lil left out since i have not yet posted on him. so here it is--- :) we have talked for some time now but everytime we go to meet something comes up. either a huge snow storm or he gets sick etc. hes older than i am and lives bout an hour or so away. hes funny and we have some interesting conversations. i especially liked the nite we talked about what makes girls "whores" and men too! lmao. he seems to appreciate the chics who havent gone "whoring" around. he even has levels---ie> if a girl has slept with 10 guys = whore, a girl whos slept with 15 guys = slutty whore, etc. lmao it was definitely somethin. but im not puttin that info out there to embarass him, it was just a different convo. ;) we actually dont get to talk all that much cause of me workin second shift, so thats kinda shitty but we all gotta pay the bills. im not sure really what to think just yet............he seems to have a good balance between sensitive and macho and hes very to the point. i keep tryin to come up with new questions to hit him with, but like i said its hard to talk cause of the schedule differences. but with all new ppl we'll just c what happens............................feel better now shit head???? hahaha :)

TO EVERYONE!

Its is very easy to get offended by what others are saying especially if it seems that you as a person is surrounded by negitivity. You put up your guard to try and protect yourself, I understand that perfectly. I know that I am not perfect and I can be insulting and yes sometimes it does make me feel better because I can, momentarily, escape my own misery that haunts me. I have said many insulting things and though I really don't regret what was said I do wish I had said it a bit differently. I know that doesn't make things right and I am wrong. Everyone does this from time to time. I sure most can agree with that. Cos, I will have to agree with you and most of the comments you had made in reguard to Darcy's post. I do understand that, perhaps, you weren't trying to be insulting in your comments. You were just trying to shine a different light to look under. Some buttons are very touchy and granted when we put our emotions out there we have to expect people to push them. I guess maybe if it was worded different or we actually knew you it wouldn't be such a big pill to swallow. Either way, I respect the comments even though I tend not over react sometimes. I know I shouldn't. But like Darcy and others, I put my emotions out there because seeing them helps me find the solution easier. I am sure I have said that before. Its all fucked up I guess. I big catch 22. Damned if you do and damned if you don't but thats life. And we all find different ways of dealing with it.

FREE WILL

Cos, to answer ur Q about my evidence.........for all the ppl that ever had a "rough" or "bad" childhood, depending on what u went thru......u can either choose to live in that sort of lifestyle and repeat what uve "learned" growing up or choose to b better than that sort of behavior, but again depending on what u were exposed to as a child. i am one that had a "rough" childhood and i certainly have made a conscious effort to not behave or say or treat ppl the way i saw one particular person in my life behaving, saying and treating the ppl around them. if u have someone in ur life that treats u badly, its ur choice to put up with it or not, to stoop to their level and play their games or not. pretty much everything u do/say/and the way u behave is a choice as to whether or not u want to do/say/or behave in that manner. im not sure exactly what evidence ur lookin for.......u choose to have moral fiber, u choose to show ur dependibility at work by showing up and being on time, u choose to b ethical by doing the right thing, u choose to give 100% or try ur best, u choose to try to b healthy or have bad habits, etc. some things have to do with the kind of family u were raised in (ie>church), or how things were done in ur household or even how well ur family dynamic works, the lessons u were taught, the wisdom passed onto u from say father to son, or gma to grandkid...........u should already have the answer to this question Cos, u being a psych major in all. im sure u already have an opinion and that mine will count for next to nothing so im not sure y u bothered to seem interested.

on another note i would like to know what it is that everyone would like me to post about considering that when i talk about my dating life everyone gets on my shit, and when i talk about the everyday life sort of thing no one comments. look i post about shit cause i want a diff perspective on whats goin on. not necessarily b/c i really need or want the advice. i just look for a fresh set of eyes to the situation, maybe someone whos been there and done that. or can give me an inside look. my recent thought is that i wanna know if everyone thinks whether or not ppl can actually change. i know the ol cliche that "ppl dont change, situations change", tim seems to think that ppl cant unless its a huge thing (ie>a major accident might cause a speeder to slow down) its been my experience that u r what u r and that not much changes. what do u think????

My own message to Cos

Hi cos,
I wanted you to know that I can see where you are coming from. I know a lot of women including myself fall for "mushy idealistic crap" because we want it and it doesn't take much to figure out that we want it. It is very hard to figure out when it is real. So no matter what we have to tell ourselves to go for it just in case this was the one that was real.
Your whole macho guy comment is totally right, but I wish it wasn't. I personally really like my emotions most of the time, but there are times when I wish I did not have them too. But I still think that they have valueto society, especially love. If there was no love then no family or sense of community and we would all probably feel less loyalty to anything. I think one of the foundations for society is some sort of obligation to your fellow human and I think that comes from empathy, which is a feeling. If nothing else though feelings are what add spice to life. I would hate to be rational all the time and think logically and clearly all the time and have everyone else doing the same. That would be so boring. Mix in anger, happiness and even sadness and it becomes interesting.
For your comment on ripping, that is just a way to deal with emtions of attachment. It is easier to feel like you are unattaching yourself if you rip on someone. But I am sure that you knew that one.
As per your second comment on emotion, I wanted to say that on this site we aren't really bitching all the time unless it is to let off some steam. I talk about my emotions because it helps me deal with them. For me it is about understanding my emotions not just let them wash over me. I think that understanding them can help me to control them or at least help me so I know what causes what emotion.
As a psych major I would have thought that you would know that when you start analyzing people's lives that one of the big reactions you get is them getting defensive. Especially when you try to change the way they look at things or even when you just try to get them to see things in a differrent way. Even if you are trying to give helpful advice you need to step back and see what kind of emotions that might involve. This is especially true since it is just talking to you online and not getting to see your body language and since we do not know you.
I would still like your comments if for no other reason than to stir things up a little.

TO COS........

Look Cos, i dont think that what Dave said was bullshit or contained any bullshit therein. all he was doin was sayin that more ppl be it men or women b more open and honest with each other. i dont think thats spittin game. and im certainly not "falling" for "sappy bullshit". there wasnt anything sappy about it. just stating the obvious. maybe ur too much of a hardass? feelings and emotions may not contribute anything worthwhile to society but i dont think they r trivial! i dont think that i would want to live life if i couldnt or didnt choose to FEEL anything. how much of an ass would u have to b to not feel grief over the loss of a loved one? or to not feel joy over a new life comin into this world? or to not feel love? or to not b able to relate to another human being b/c u were numb to all emotions? besides, how do u EVER learn from ur mistakes, or learn any life lessons if U think that emotions r trivial?!?! how could u anyways, doesnt seem like ur the "sensitive" kind--unless ur runnin ur game and just sayin what everyone wants to hear.......but then that would mean ur just being FAKE. what else causes U to have such strong opinions anyways?!?! isnt what someone says the reason something stirs within u and compels u to voice ur opinion???? doesnt it make u FEEL pissed off or annoyed or w/e it is that u feel (if anything, according to u)?!?! even if we only amuse u by our "pathetic" lives, amusement is a feeling........... and not all women r bitchy and whiny!!!! no one here in our ratpack is bitchin or whinin......just u bitchin and whinin about us. we call it like we c it based on our experiences......ofcourse not all men r the psuedo type but i never said they ALL were. quite frankly, i dont care what society says is "normal" or "supposed" to be as the standard b/c it doesnt mean u have to act/behave that way! does the word lemming sound familiar to u? ahhhh, the reason we have "will" is so that we can decide for ourselves how to b and act and treat other ppl. speakin of........Cos, if u pick and choose chics based on looks alone and how well she performs in bed u r one sad mother fucker. just remember karma is a bitch and what u put out in the world WILL come back to u. i really enjoy that "golden rule"-----TREAT OTHERS HOW U WANT TO B TREATED.

SNOTTY REMARKS....

hey u dicksmacks! i dont appreciate the rude comments on my post of "just breathe". i can only assume that those of u that posted anonymously r guys and that ur tellin dave to shut up and quit sayin "long, boring, stupid jibberish" r the typical psuedo guy! i think that what he said about honesty and knowing the person inside is true...........more than that its what im lookin for as well. i dont really care about sex at this point. i couldnt b less interested in fact! didnt u guys get enough of ur mama's titty when u were younger? cant u tune into a chic? is it that scary to b sensitive and caring and sincere? is it that hard for u to just say what u mean and mean what u say? i dont think its too much to ask!!! and as far as what someone said bout me givin head.......wtf?!?! was that really supposed to b a compliment???? cause i didnt take it as a compliment!!!! maybe u should spend some more time with the females in ur family. learn a lil somethin about how we work and what it is that we really want/like and look forward to. what it is that guys can do that really get to us and make us melt. just a suggestion!!! for me i dont like typical, i like different and unique and i enjoy the ones that stand out and really get my attention not by JUST being the "usual".
PS-------thanks to anji for ur comment. funny u mentioned jealousy......someone told me once that ppl who rip on and pick on other ppl r jealous cause they themselves lack whatever it is that they r pickin on the other person about. lol, theres no need to b upset if u lack the qualities that a woman would desire in u and would make her want to b with u........just means ur destined to b a lonely asshole!!!!! hahahahahahaha :)

Geminis

So I was talknig to my friends about zodiac signs and they told me about how contradictory geminis are and I was like wow that really is me. There was this poem I rea in Spanish class that had a line in it that said "soy un ajiaco de contradiciones" and ajiaco is a soup that is a like everything soup and I was like yeah that what I am an everything soup full of contradictions. I am beginning to really hate it. I feel like nothing because it all cancels out. I can seriously sit there and tell the same person in the same situation to let it out and cry one day and buck up and be happy the next. Damnit I just made my own head hurt. Right now I just want to know who I am. Now that all the bullshit is out and I can hopefully live my life I just want to know who I am. And then I figure another piece out and I am a contradiction basically. And I just can't do this right now. Goodnight.

JUST BREATHE

well its finally over.......i took my test today and it was nothin like i was thinkin!!! thank god. i finally feel like i can breathe. although im not sooo sure what im meaning by that. i guess it means i have no worries for right now. which is a very good thing cause it seems like for the last month it has been one thing after another.....such is life, i know. i have talked with my x about doin whatever he needs to do so that we dont have to deal with each other EVER again. which requires him to make the car payments on time everytime or even better, to refinance that damn car. and as far as the assholes that i keep meeting........FUCK 'EM!!! i have been questioning myself alot lately and ive decided i dont do anything wrong, cause nothin lasts long enough for me to do anything wrong. i DONT drop my pants for anything that comes along and i always have my eyes open for whatever is comin at me. i cant walk around in the world assuming the worse of other ppl and constantly having doubts about them or their character. i do what i can do, and thats just b me. if thats not enough then w/e. im not goin to become cynical about everyone and everything.....how depressing is that? on a lighter note..........i have been talkin to a new "potential". at the risk of sounding rude, i have "grilled" him and he seems genuine in his answers to my questions, but im still somewhat doubtful. we'll c what this proves to turn into. in all honesty, i have never talked with someone that i have quite so much in common with........at least not since YRS ago. even my x and i NEVER had sooo much in common, which makes me a lil excited over this new one. we're gettin together on saturday so heres hopin........................ :)

FUCKIN A!!!!!!

I GOT CALLED A CRAZY BITCH!!!! WOO HOO!!!! HAHAHA YEAH MAYBE IM A LIL CRAZY, DONT WE ALL HAVE A LITTLE PYSCHOSIS IN US? BUT BITCH? ONLY TO THE PPL THAT DEEM IT NECESSARY TO BEHAVE LIKE BITCHES THEMSELVES!!!! ;) WHAT R U SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN U FEEL LIKE UR BEING LIED TO, WHEN NOTHING SOMEONE SAYS MAKES SENSE OR ADDS UP, WHEN UR GUT IS TELLIN U SOMETHIN ISNT RIGHT? DONT U DIG TO FIND THE ANSWERS? OR DO U JUST KEEP UR MOUTH SHUT AND ASSUME THE WORSE AND WRITE THEM OFF? I PERSONALLY LIKE TO GIVE PPL THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT. NOT TO MENTION THAT ASSUMING THINGS USUALLY LEADS TO BIGGER PROBLEMS. SO I DIG, OR I DUG. W/E. BUT I ONLY DID THAT CAUSE I WASNT GETTIN ANY ANSWERS. AND I DONT KNOW BOUT Y'ALL, BUT I LIKE ANSWERS RIGHT AWAY----SORT OF THE INSTANT GRATIFICATION THING. NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT SOME PPL NEED TO TAKE TIME TO THINK SHIT OVER AND WEIGH ALL THE OPTIONS, BUT SOME THINGS JUST RNT SO COMPLICATED THAT THEY WOULD REQUIRE THE TIME TO CONSIDER IT. MAYBE I OVER REACTED. MAYBE I LET MY EMOTIONS GET THE BEST OF ME AND I TOOK A SIMPLE SITUATION TO A BAD PLACE. IN FACT I KNOW I DID, AND THE ONLY "EXCUSE", "EXPLANATION" THAT I HAVE IS THAT I WAS IN SEARCH OF THE TRUTH, OF ANSWERS OF FINDING OUT "Y" AND WHAT FOR AND HOW COME. AND INDEED I GOT WHAT I WAS LOOKIN FOR!!!! (AND THEN SOME) DO I FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT I DID, NO CAUSE I WOULDNT HAVE GOTTEN THE SAME ANSWERS JUST SIMPLY ASKING. CAUSE I DID ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS AFTER ALREADY KNOWING THE ANSWERS AND GOT LIED TO. SO WHILE I PROBABLY COULDA HANDLED THE SITUATION BETTER IM GLAD I DID WHAT I DID CAUSE NOW I KNOW FOR SURE WHATS WHAT AND WHATS NOT!!!! IF CONFIRMING MY GUT INSTINCTS MAKES ME A CRAZY BITCH, IF PUTTIN SOMEONE THRU "THE TEST" TO KNOW THEY R HONEST, IF ASKIN THE TOUGH QUESTIONS AND GETTIN TO THE BOTTOM OF THINGS ALL MAKES ME A CRAZY BITCH........THEN YEAH, IM BUSTIN OUT THE CRAZINESS!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE HAND ME MY STR8 JACKET???? HAHAHA

Alright!

Alright, look Cos. I don't know if you know this but sometimes its easier to see the answer if you write the questions. Atleast it is for me. Thats "Y" I posted what I did. Ok, your intentions were good by posting what you did, thanks. However, when I say that I got what you said you didn't need to drag it on. I don't substitue food for misspellings or anything else. I know that I admited I was a bigger girl but you didn't need to be an asshole and make that comment that you did. So, again, I understand everything that you posted so lets drop it and move on. No need to dwell on that past.

P.S No one said I was a perfect speller. I am sure no one is, even you. I know that I didn't hit spell check but when you are in a hurry you tend not to think about those kinds of things. You just think about what is more important. However, I obviously didn't need to run spell check because I still got my point accross.

NOT WHINING.......

NO I WASNT WHINING ABOUT ANYTHING, I WAS SIMPLY STATING THAT MOST GUYS RNT UP FRONT AND HONEST ABOUT SHIT. I DO ASK THE SIMPLE QUESTIONS----WHAT R U LOOKIN FOR? R U READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP? R U INTO JUST SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS? ETC. THE PROBLEM IS THAT ITS HARD TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS BEING HONEST OR PUTTIN UP A FRONT TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION. AND YEAH I KNOW THERES LITTLE SIGNS THAT U CAN LOOK FOR TO TELL IF SOMEONE IS SINCERE OR NOT-----SUCH AS THEM KEEPING THEIR WORD HELPS TO BUILD TRUST. BUT ISNT GETTIN "PLAYED" ABOUT THE "PLAYER" BEING SO GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO THAT U CANT C THE SIGNS?!?! I AM NOT DESPERATE TO THE POINT OF BLINDNESS. IM NOT STARVED FOR ATTENTION TO THE POINT THAT I WOULD LET ANYONE WALK ALL OVER ME. THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, IS THAT I AM ALWAYS UPFRONT AND IF I WANNA KNOW SOMETHIN I FUCKIN ASK. AND I CAN "DEMAND" ANSWERS ALL DAY LONG AND STILL NOT GET AN ANSWER OR A STR8 ONE FOR THAT MATTER. U CANT CONTROL PPL, ITS UP TO EACH INDIVIDUAL TO B HONEST OR NOT. AND LIKE I SAID......TOO MANY R ALL ABOUT MAKIN AN "IMPRESSION" RATHER THAN JUST TAKIN ON THE ATTITUDE OF "WHAT U C IS WHAT U GET". MAYBE THOSE KIND OF PPL JUST RNT COMFORTABLE ENOUGH IN THEIR OWN SKIN TO HAVE THAT KIND OF PERSPECTIVE. I DONT REALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE.