Friends!

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when
I am with you..
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make
you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them
knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste
their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the
right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to
do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next
time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try
and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them
to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?
Hardly anyone I know ! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!!

Puppy Love!

Awwww, puppy love! Isn't it so cute! Well, kinda. I am putting a twist on some things. Have you ever noticed that sex with someone new is like having a new puppy? Well, it is. Let me show you. At first they are all cuddlely and affectionate and want to give you kisses and occassionally they get so excited they wet with just seeing you. They follow you around with their head held high and their tails wagonin'. You have to start training them and giving them treats for good behavior and wetting outside. Then they get to the age where they come into their first "heat". Now we're talkin. Thats right SEX. They wanna hump you everywhere. They don't care where at, they will hump you in every room of the house, and they don't care who is around. After kicking them off your leg a few times they finally get the hint, NO, I am not in the mood and not now. They still continue to be on their best behavior going outside and rollin over so you will pet their stomachs. Then by the time they are in their next "heat" they remember how it was the last time they were in "heat". They keep it cool, while you are around because they don't wanna get yelled at. However, when you are going to the bathroom or simply running to the store and come back, you find that they are either humping one of your friends or your sister. At this time you are incredibly pissed off and you deside to either get rid of them or lay the ground rules for them to follow. Those are NO HUMPING OTHER PEOPLE! They seem to take their punishment and go hide for awhile. While their in hiding and ashamed to come around for just a short while you call the VET! Thats right, nuetered! You want to make sure that the pup don't do this again. So you make the appointment and kiss you puppies ass until the day of the appointment. Now, you tell them that they are going for a car ride, which all pupies love, then you arrive. They wonder what the fuck they are doing here and try to fight getting out of the car. You come back a few days later and pick them up. They hate your guts for a little while but they get over after some good narcotics. After they are better they decide not to fight it anymore and become your lifes best friend. They sleep on their side of the bed and are especially sure that they stay on their best behavior because they don't what to sleep outside or be put to sleep. They make sure to wake you when they need to pee and when they need food and water. They put their heads down when you are yelling and generally agree to disagree unless they know they are right and ruin you favorite pair of shoes. By this time you both have each other on a time table. Occassionally you get a lick in the face to show that they still care and they fetch your paper and bring it to you in the bathroom. Eventually, they get old develope caterax in both eyes and go blind and deaf. By this time they are getting ready to die and you catter to their every need. You feel guilty for leaving them at home so many nights while you were out partying and doing other things and wish that you could have that time back to spend with your pup. You had promised yourself that you would never be so selfish if you had it to do over again. They die, you cry and you tell yourself you will survive and move on. While you are in the store picking up new shoes to replace the old ones that were ruined by your decessed pup you notice all the dogs around you and suddenly have that alone feeling again. You know that their are so many that need good homes but they don't listen and they were never trained and they will just ruin everything. You just can't teach an old dog new tricks. Sadly you leave the store and make your way to the parking lot. As you wipe your eyes you notice a sign on the building across the street that says puppies for sale and a cute little puppy in the window wagoning its tail with a tag on its collar reading Patch!

TIMES UP!

i feel like ive bailed on u guys out there....i havent. ive been planning birthday stuff for tim. well not really planning it, but gettin it organized and it has monopolized most of my time lately. not to mention havin the halloween party the same day has me doin double duty. it will b a good time.......

chica FINALLY got to start workin at the facility. i thought i would b training her but instead shes training with a dipshit. oh well, then i dont have the responsibility. however, it concerns me that she is training with a dipshit on days and i am the one that referred her and well.....u know how it goes. ugh. ill have to ask her when i c her saturday if her second day of orientation went better than the first. lol.

the x called me the other nite....wanted to know if i had messed with an online account of his. ughhhh no. supposedly he'll b back in town in a couple of weeks and bringing my moms stuff. pfft, riiiiiiiight. ill believe it when i c it. i also told him he needs to pay that fuckin parking ticket he got over a year ago. yeah ur reading that correctly....OVER A YEAR AGO. he said he would b4 he takes off for the desert....hmm, if u havent paid it thus far what makes him think i believe he'll pay it now??? dont know, maybe he thinks im gullible. HA!

i sampled 2 more of tims cds....drowning pool, which has that song bodies. i already had that burned onto a different cd of mine. like 'em. then i listened to adema, edema, w/e. they're aight, i could put them into my cd rotation. im still stickin with metallica and bls though....just angry enough to satisfy the urge to want to cause physical harm to someone. ;) oh! i listened to the eminem cd with mosh on it...there is this bit on there about michael jackson. OMG, i laughed my ass off!! its the little things...............

i had called my bro a few days ago. just got a call back today, thank god or i was gonna start stakin out his place. we had a good conversation that i dont care to share on here. all im gonna say is that sometimes knowing what hes goin thru or been thru--good or bad--effects me soo much that i can only assume its similar to what a mother feels or a father feels for their child. if this is how it is to b a parent i dont know if i can emotionally handle it. its over whelming. know what i mean???

i had a funny story to share about work involving me running in circles chasing this resident to put a band aid on their finger. ofcourse they asked for "tape" to put on, i wasnt just randomly putting band aids on residents! silly! but upon starting to relay the story it just didnt sound funny. its one of those "u had to b there" things, and no it doesnt require a sick sense of nursing home humor either. just one of those things. soooo with that said, im outta here and off to bed, busy day tomorrow. ;)

hope everyone has a howling good weekend! mmmhahahaha >:)

To Good Not To Post!

Girl Poem A poem for us.... I shave my legs,I sit down to pee. And I can justifyany shopping spree. Don't go to a barber,but a beauty salon. I can get a massagewithout a hard-on. I can balance the checkbook,I can pump my own gas. Can talk to my friends,about the size of my ass. My beauty's a masterpiece,and yes, it takes long. At least I can admit,to others when I'm wrong. I don't drive in circles,at any cost. And I don't have a problem,admitting I'm lost. I never forget,an important date. You just gotta deal with it,I'm usually late. I don't watch movies,with lots of gore. Don't need instant replay,to remember the score. I won't lose my hair,I don't get jock itch. And just cause I'm assertive,Don't call me a bitch. Don't say to your friends,Oh yeah, I can get her. In your dreams, my dear,I can do better! Flowers are okay,But jewelry's best. Look at me you idiot... Not at my chest???? I don't have a problem,With Expressing my feelings. I know when you're lying,You look at the ceiling. DON'T call me a GIRL,a BABE or a CHICK. I am a WOMAN. Get it?, you DICK!?!

Snowballing!

Have you ever had those weeks where if feels like glass is shattering all around you? First, my Jeep takes a shit. When things go wrong I figure I can always turn to a family member to help me out. I went to my mom. I get bitched at up one side and down the other. All the sudden its an appropriate time to throw all of my faults in my face. The, like quick sand, I sink rapidly into a depressive state. If that don't make things worse. The rest of my family feels the need to do the same shit. Sometimes it feels like I can trust anyone, not even my own family. I hate thinking that way but nothing I try to keep secret or just between me and another person stays that way. Now, with my Jeep taking a shit, its been really difficult to go back and forth to a job. So there for, I have no money. Which sucks. I really do like a vacation but I hate sitting on my ass and doing nothing. Especially for as long as I have. I had asked my mom to help me out and she, after making me feel like a piece of shit, decides to call a friend who would have a possible vehical that I could get. Which was a little bit of sunshine in the rain. I am still waiting to see the car. My mom is also coming through for me to help with the international dinner at my church. Which I greatly appreciate. So, all in all things are slowly coming together with a consistant reminder of all the bad decisions that I have made in my life time.

Yesterday, was a good time to realize that I needed to see the eye doctor. My contacts are to fucking old. There is a sign and my glasses are tring to fall apart. DAMNIT! So , now, when I get my vehical, so I can go to work, I need to hussle to pay rent for november and also save for an eye exam. WTF! I hate this shit, I really do. All I do is sit and cry and try to figure out away to make things better for myself. I have been tring to work on that. I paid my Jeep off, which I thought I was gonna be cool and then be ahead. Not, that obviously didn't happen. I have been going to church religiously trying to seek out myself through the lord. I have been trying to change little by little to correct the mistakes I have made in my life by taking different steps in the future. Oh and lets not forget that I am in college tring to make it so that I won't have to, hopefully, be in a situation like things again.

So now that everyone is reading my venting rampage. I have a question. Is it a good idea to work a fulltime job + go to school fulltime + work a parttime job? This is why this question. I work, this new job, a fulltime position I also go to college fulltime. Now, my mom a few other members of the family thinks that I should also be working another parttime position. What do you think? Am I wrong for not wanting to do so? Is it to much that she is asking? What? I am just so over whelmed. Pray for me or something. Lord know that I am trying and I know this. Rome wasn't built in a day and I can't very well fix all my problems and mishapes in a day either. I am human. I have faults and I will admit too them.

Story time and other crap

So, I get the hint. Let's see where do I begin, ah yes, the beginning:

It was one of those days, the fog just never seems to lift. The fog I'm refering to is the thick gray kind that hangs deep in your eyelids and makes your world seem slow and cumbersome. We, being my sweethart and I, have begun the day and her mood has been at a steady decline, till she asked me to get her a coffee. For future referrence, coffee for her, is a 20oz french vanilla cappucino. She begins to beg me for a coffee, relentlessy obsessing on how she needs this cup of coffee. And, after no small amount of saying, "no" I grab my keys and head to the store. Upon return of my perlious journey to speedway, she gives me a look. A look as if to say, "I have once again gotten you to do my biddings." So, I hold this most sacred cup of coffee at arms length, threatening to drink it myself. Unless, of course, the price has been paid. No, I do not want my 67cents back, I want something much more significant. I want a kiss. So as she leans forward, lips pursed tightly, hand reaching for the holiest of coffee grails which I possess. I recieve my kiss, and a couple extras too boot. And finally as smile dances across her lips, as much from me as the coffee, I am sure. I alert her to the fact that she has just whored herself out to me for 67cents worth of coffee. That she is now, like it or not, officially a COFFEE WHORE!


Yeah, kids. wasn't that fun? I thought so. now it's time for other crap, which in all honesty is just an answer to darcy. I just didn't feel like making a comment on one post and the creating another, so everybody else gets the joy of this to. Yes, I figure on some video game playing. don't worry about bringing any games, I have enough to keep us occupied. see, isn't other crap fun. I could just keep typing all fuckin night, puting all sorts of useless info into cyberspace. or rambling on all out of control in shit, talking about a who fucked whom and what carzy ass hair brained plan I got comin out next, But, I rather keep you all waiting! Bitches.

OH THE DAYS

my weekends off r the only 2 days off in a row i get and it feels like its not enough!! it goes by too quickly, but im super happy that there was sunshine! yay! :D i listened to black label society...i like it. i also listened to chevelle. not too impressed with them although there is a couple of songs i did like. c, i have this idea of what metal should b--hard, fast, angry. chevelle seemed slow and depressing which is not what i was in the mood for. "im angry. im in a funk. damn it!" okay im not really angry but the funk is true. and when ur in a funk who the hell wants to listen to depressing music??? not i. anyhooooo............

the halloween party is fast approaching. as previously posted im excited. ive got everything i need now except the cooler and the liquor. i cant make up my mind as to what drink ill b having that nite. any ideas??? definitely no beer so dont even suggest it. it has to b something that i can tolerate drinking ALL nite long. maybe something that i can mix with a couple of different things? i dont know but really im open to ideas. the fast approach of the party also means the approach of tims birthday.....considering its the same day!! i started out not havin any ideas and now im bombarded with ideas. its making my head hurt trying to decide which thing to do. what would u guys want or do for a bday??? (and dont say bday sex, thats a given)

this upcoming thursday we're goin to get pumpkins to carve. i love jack o lanterns! this year i want to try to carve one of those intricate patterns. they look sooo cool, but my friend told me that u have to have a special tool to do that. maybe ill have to buy a kit to get the tool. im also gonna try a new recipe for toasting the pumpkin seeds. it has cumin and cayenne pepper in it, mmm. u have ur pumpkins ready??? its really juvenile but i have the urge to go tp someone for halloween too. i havent done that in years and the thought is very tempting. i have the perfect person in mind too! hehehe >:) no, its not my x even though most of my evil plots include him. (i know, whatta surprise. c i told u im in a funk!)

we had a scrub truck come to work and i spent 40 bucks on 2 new tops. yikes! thank god they take it out of 4 paychecks. im just gonna stick to buying scrubs online. its so much cheaper. also i have recently gained a new nickname.....coffee whore. lol. ill have to let tim explain that one to ya. (yep, thats a hint to post) i think thats it. if anything else comes to mind ill ramble some more. ;)

YAKKITY YAK, DONT TALK BACK

never fear i am still here!! ive had the "blahs" cause im SICK of c'ing the clouds. im keeping my fingers crossed that the weatherman was right about sunshine this weekend. hmmm maybe i should look into some heat lamps or something to compensate??

anyhooo....i wanted to apologize for my last post. it was a bit tense and emotional, not the usual stuff i write about. however the need was there and it was also a need to put it on here. still cant figure that one out but what the hell. while i understand that w/e i post on here is up for public scrutiny, it really wasnt meant for open interpretation or comments. thanks to all those that saw that. ;)

secondly id like to make mention of a certain friend of chica's. information has been passed along to me that said person thinks im a bitch. hahaha (try to dispute it assmunch, ive got it in writing!) seems that when i confronted said person about a certain situation that i hurt their feelings. hmm, maybe not hurt...more like offended?? thing is, i dont sugar coat shit. if ive got a question i fuckin ask. if i have something to say i say it. if ur being a fucktard then im gonna call u out on it. whatever u know. im not shy and i really dont give a rats ass what anyone outside my bubble thinks of me. bottom line---if it makes me a bitch then i guess im a bitch.

i have a few updates for y'all.....
1. i dropped chicas name at work and she now has a new job at my facility.
2. tim and i finished the spare bedroom on monday. asian style.
3. p caught another worker in bed with a resident. no nakey time but still a no no. when p talked to the resident they admittted that they were indeed having sex with said worker.
4. i cant wait for the halloween party!!
5. ive started to test-listen to some of tim's cds today. ill keep u posted. today i listened to metallica. tomorrow im thinking black label society.
6. one of my wisdom teeth is KILLING ME!! owie owie owie
7. i have another list in the works, when i get the kinks out ill post it.
8. state guys r STILL nite paving on that major route. the other nite comin home from work the intersection i turn at was in the middle of the 2 flaggers and there sat the fuckin trooper in his car. i just guessed when to turn and what lane to go in......thank god i was with the flow of traffic, however i missed the lane and had to swerve a couple of cones to get on the right path. ugh. i was sooo pissed.
9. im really tired of chica waking me up in the morning. *remember the coffee damn it!
10. looking forward to my days off, i have to thoroughly enjoy them since i volunteered to work xtra hours the upcoming week. am i glutton for punishment or what?? hehe

ramble ramble

Ok now everyone kiss and make out... just not in front of me. LOL. I meant make up... i think. It's just life is never as easy as you think, but if ou work on things even just a little and actually try to enjoy getting to know each other in this new way. People change constantly but many people refuse to admit it. They think that it's weird when someone changes, but honestly it's beautiful. I think that the most important thing to do is learn what you need to say to the other person. Learning whether or not to hug and cuddle or justgive someone space is the hardest thing to learn. We are all justso different and most people's first instinct is to want to help. I usually just ask becauseif i ask once and get a yes then i will be more likely to ask again when the same situation occurs but if i get a no then i probably will just think they need time.
oh and i hear that the arty at myhouse while i was away was interesting. Seems we will have a long talk when i get home cause I am the one that has to fix everything.

forgive and regret

I know I haven't been easy to get along with. I've been looking for things to fight about. I have some deep underlining issues, that I have heaped upon you unjustly. I love you. I want the whole world to know that you make me happy. I really have turned away the one person I care about, and I'm sorry. A million times over, I'm sorry. You have never done anything to betray me and I have closed you out. We both had thses grand ideas that because we have known each other for so long that this would be easy. We were both wrong. I wouldn't trade this, or you for anything. I have my bad days too. Thats what I'm dealing with now. I constanly want to know what can I do? But you always tell me nothing, well, I need to get my own head straight. There is nothing that you can or have done to justify my actions. I have simply been a dick. I'm sorry I have hurt you. I'll do what ever I need to do, to make this right. You make happy. The simple thought of coming home to you makes me happy. I blew this round big time. I only hope you'll accept my apologizes. I am sorry.

TO U FROM ME

everything is easier said than done. i tell u to have faith and to trust in me. pfft. how simple huh? i have a bad day and within that 24hrs i gave u enough suspicion to lose all faith and trust. it sucks doesnt seem to b sufficient for how i feel about that loss. i read ur journal, i know ur having doubts, serious doubts. i felt an ache within me after those words flitted across the page. im always preaching that trust is the foundation in any relationship......i dont know how to repair the damage. can i even? i try and try and it feels like im fighting a losing battle. as soon as i gain ground on one front i get ambushed on another. is that just my perception or is it the truth? u tell me. this isnt about what issues i have or dont have, u know my history. all i want to say is that faith and trust doesnt come easy for me either.

i truly wish that i could make u happy or even happier. i am a simple girl and it really doesnt take much for me to b tickled. i learned long ago to pick and choose my battles carefully.....thus i dont have the fight in me to nit-pick the little things. yes, little things can become big things but those little things should b about the bigger picture. respect. honesty. comittment. etc. u talk to me about what u need from me and it feels like everything i am doing is all wrong. its not enough. what is enough? will it ever b enough or is that pedestal making a reappearance? im not fond of heights u know. what a let down.

i had this idea that being with u would b so simple and easy. it would b like what i always felt it should b like. it would b beautiful. its complicated and difficult. and constantly feeling like ur not fulfilled is draining me. "y try, nothing has worked so far." know what i mean? i am incredibly sad. im not sure if its disappointment that the connection between us isnt as strong as i thought and its taking more effort. or i thought that i knew u so well and im having to face that i dont. or u cant just b with me in the simplest, purest way and enjoy that. it seems to always b something. i feel like a failure for not getting it right.

truly i am heartbroken that one bad day ruined things. i kinda wish that if i knew what the aftermath was goin to b that i had done something genuinely bad to warrant the new feelings ur having. at least then it would b easier to justify to myself, although i do understand where ur coming from.....when u loose trust u loose trust. i fully accept the responsibility of my actions. i am sorry.

THIS IS ABOUT U!!

some ppl r just fuckin dense u know. i try to give my guidance, show my concern when a loved one is headed for a tangent....but do they pick up on this? HELL NO. ugh. its not that i want to b mother hen, believe me i dont want that responsiblity. im just tryin to watch out for the downward spiral i foresee them taking. the thing about guidance, advice, concern is that it does nothing unless the person ur trying to "help" wants to hear it. i keep tellin myself this b/c the more times i c this person do the same fuckin thing over and over the more it pisses me off. im not responsible for their actions or the consequences their actions reap.....and still i press on. i heard once that crazy means behaving the same way but expecting a different result each time. im beginning to wonder about this person, really i am. maybe i should b wondering about myself b/c i keep throwing signs out there hoping for a different result and getting the same damn thing everytime. ugh. what a cycle!!

FYI: chica--the previous post isnt anything personal to me other than me being a friend to the person involved. maybe u should think about any events lately that might inspire such an outburst from me......................

it was pointed out to me the other day that i seem to b "negative" (although that wasnt the word used) when i post on here. my response was that no one wants to hear about me lounging in my pjs watching gilmore girls all day drinking tons of coffee. any takers for that??? c'mon its real excitement!?!? anyhoo heres some sunshine out ur ass....im goin shoppin tomorrow with my friend angie. i have a mission, well technically 2---1. buy what im goin out of town for 2. find those damn MEGA M&Ms!!! has anyone seen those yet???? if so, pls give me a store name. enough with the public service announcement already! aight, well its all sunshine, ribbons n curls, sugar n spice, fuckin peachy here. :D more later.

FICK DU!

I agree with Tasha! However, I do believe there are a lot of shady ppl who are far from being honest when it comes to playin. Example, don't tell a person that you want more if your intentions are not so. Straight up tell a person that this is what you are looking for and leave it at that. Make sure everyone involved are cool with just causal sex. If you know that someones intentions are different from yours then move on. No need to be something you are not becuase lets face it, that causes drama. Unwanted drama. I have gotten pissed before but I was also lied too about what the intentions where. That shit, I don't know about you, pisses me off. Make it cut and dry ppl and wrap it up if you do. For those who like to play fuckin mind games FICK DU!

FULL MOON RISIN'

so u may have heard ur gma say that the crazies come out when its a full moon. ? yeah. im pretty sure there hasnt been a full moon lately but i hear that theres a crazy bitch on the loose. lol no, this has nothing to do with work.....those crazies just get worse. ;) im wondering what makes a chic get all obsessive when shes fucked a guy. ofcourse im not talkin about the guys u fuck when ur in a relationship---thats a different kind of crazy and a different kind of obsessive. hehe. im talkin about the chics that say they can handle casual sex and then its a whole other ballgame after the fact. wtf gives??? y is it that guys can sow wild oats like theres gonna b a famine and think nothin of it......but chics, its like a contract is made and holy fuck if he doesnt call or come around again. uve heard me preach b4 that a woman out to get hers when she wants it is fine. more power to ya. uve heard me rant about how if a guy can b promiscuous(sp) then a chic should b able to too without the labels. but damn! there r consequences to havin casual sex--not just stds, aids, pregnancy. consequences r as such: u act like a ho u get treated like a ho. the definition of casual sex is just that. NO STRINGS ATTATCHED. NO COMITTMENT. NO PRESSURE. NO NEED TO EVER CALL OR COME AROUND AGAIN. NO EMOTIONS. my dear, if u cant keep urself from turnin into the trippy bitch after a lil play then QUIT FUCKIN PLAYIN!!! its that simple.