Ok ok, so I might have laid it on a little to thick for Tasha as far as sucking it up and spilling her guts. I guess I should take my own advice. Remember the conversation about Elmo? I am having troubles. I am wanting and longing to get to know him. I want to love him, I want the chance to prove to him that I deserve more credit then I am being given. This is killing me. I want to cry. I don't know what to do, I do know that I hate it. I am so vulnerable when it comes to him. I would do anything. I try to show him that I care however, I don't think that he does. It hurts. I feel used, nasty, unwanted. I never thought for a minute that it would get to this. I have always, up to this point, negleted to say anything to him because I was afraid of losing such a wonderful person in my life. I know now that if I don't say something that it is going to hurt worse than if I were to keep quite. I need to swallow my pride and let happen whatever it is that needs to happen. Whatever happens, I just want him to know that I care for him so much and if he needed anything I would come running. I would never hurt you and I would always stick by your side. If a "relationship" doesn't happen then I want you to know that I am willing to settle for the friendship. I takes a lot of me to say and admit to this. My guard is let down and my pride is swallowed. I am willing to lose now. I am willing to confide in one person, care for that one person. I am tired of the game. I hate it. It means nothing to me. Even if nothing is created it will still mean nothing to me. No matter what it takes I am willing to make the sacrafice.
1 comment:
We all know how it feels to love someone and then they dont love u back. Or how it feels to want to b w/someone and they just dont reciprocate ur feelings at all. It is very true that u dont pick and choose who u fall in love with, but u can choose what u will tolerate and wont tolerate coming from them. What r ur limits?? R u willing to go on pining over someone thats just a ghost to the relationship? R u willing to give all of ur hearts energy, effort and love to someone who blatantly disreguards that u exist in "that way"---that wears blinders so that they can act like nothing is really developing or goin on or even happening? Sounds like someone has the S-disease?! SELFISHNESS and realistically y would he want it any other way, he's got his cake and eating it too. On top of it, sounds like he's got the I-disease! IMMATURE do u really think that a guy who says he cant have a relationship b/c of his past is being mature, responsible and accountable for his actions? Granted we have all had bad breakups and heartaches, who hasnt? But do we tell ppl that we just cant have a relationship w/them cause of that? Hell no!! We become cautious, careful and wiser to the dating game. It doesnt mean that we completely shut ppl out. So ask urself that as well, what is he really trying to say by using his past as an excuse for the way he's behaving now? Maybe he's just too busy in his life for a girl if u wanna see the silver lining? But thats no good to get into either, u dont want a guy whos not attentive and doesnt make time. Come to think of it, isnt he pretty hard to get ahold of anyways??? Hmmmm, how busy IS he? Heres the deal...he's already got the control, he's already won the game, he's already like i said got his cake. He doesnt need to care cause he already knows that ull do w/e it takes to b w/him. Men rnt as stupid or naive as we like to think, especially ones playin games. U feel used and nasty cause u know perfectly well what the reality of the situation is. Darlin U CANT CHANGE PPL!!!! U have a big heart and lots of love to give but damn!, quit wasting it on fuckers who dont deserve it!!! I love ya and Im sorry if this is harsh, but sometimes thats exactly what we need---a swift kick in the ass. Just think about what I said.............Miss Muffy :)
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