Puppy Love!

Awwww, puppy love! Isn't it so cute! Well, kinda. I am putting a twist on some things. Have you ever noticed that sex with someone new is like having a new puppy? Well, it is. Let me show you. At first they are all cuddlely and affectionate and want to give you kisses and occassionally they get so excited they wet with just seeing you. They follow you around with their head held high and their tails wagonin'. You have to start training them and giving them treats for good behavior and wetting outside. Then they get to the age where they come into their first "heat". Now we're talkin. Thats right SEX. They wanna hump you everywhere. They don't care where at, they will hump you in every room of the house, and they don't care who is around. After kicking them off your leg a few times they finally get the hint, NO, I am not in the mood and not now. They still continue to be on their best behavior going outside and rollin over so you will pet their stomachs. Then by the time they are in their next "heat" they remember how it was the last time they were in "heat". They keep it cool, while you are around because they don't wanna get yelled at. However, when you are going to the bathroom or simply running to the store and come back, you find that they are either humping one of your friends or your sister. At this time you are incredibly pissed off and you deside to either get rid of them or lay the ground rules for them to follow. Those are NO HUMPING OTHER PEOPLE! They seem to take their punishment and go hide for awhile. While their in hiding and ashamed to come around for just a short while you call the VET! Thats right, nuetered! You want to make sure that the pup don't do this again. So you make the appointment and kiss you puppies ass until the day of the appointment. Now, you tell them that they are going for a car ride, which all pupies love, then you arrive. They wonder what the fuck they are doing here and try to fight getting out of the car. You come back a few days later and pick them up. They hate your guts for a little while but they get over after some good narcotics. After they are better they decide not to fight it anymore and become your lifes best friend. They sleep on their side of the bed and are especially sure that they stay on their best behavior because they don't what to sleep outside or be put to sleep. They make sure to wake you when they need to pee and when they need food and water. They put their heads down when you are yelling and generally agree to disagree unless they know they are right and ruin you favorite pair of shoes. By this time you both have each other on a time table. Occassionally you get a lick in the face to show that they still care and they fetch your paper and bring it to you in the bathroom. Eventually, they get old develope caterax in both eyes and go blind and deaf. By this time they are getting ready to die and you catter to their every need. You feel guilty for leaving them at home so many nights while you were out partying and doing other things and wish that you could have that time back to spend with your pup. You had promised yourself that you would never be so selfish if you had it to do over again. They die, you cry and you tell yourself you will survive and move on. While you are in the store picking up new shoes to replace the old ones that were ruined by your decessed pup you notice all the dogs around you and suddenly have that alone feeling again. You know that their are so many that need good homes but they don't listen and they were never trained and they will just ruin everything. You just can't teach an old dog new tricks. Sadly you leave the store and make your way to the parking lot. As you wipe your eyes you notice a sign on the building across the street that says puppies for sale and a cute little puppy in the window wagoning its tail with a tag on its collar reading Patch!