Hi cos,
I wanted you to know that I can see where you are coming from. I know a lot of women including myself fall for "mushy idealistic crap" because we want it and it doesn't take much to figure out that we want it. It is very hard to figure out when it is real. So no matter what we have to tell ourselves to go for it just in case this was the one that was real.
Your whole macho guy comment is totally right, but I wish it wasn't. I personally really like my emotions most of the time, but there are times when I wish I did not have them too. But I still think that they have valueto society, especially love. If there was no love then no family or sense of community and we would all probably feel less loyalty to anything. I think one of the foundations for society is some sort of obligation to your fellow human and I think that comes from empathy, which is a feeling. If nothing else though feelings are what add spice to life. I would hate to be rational all the time and think logically and clearly all the time and have everyone else doing the same. That would be so boring. Mix in anger, happiness and even sadness and it becomes interesting.
For your comment on ripping, that is just a way to deal with emtions of attachment. It is easier to feel like you are unattaching yourself if you rip on someone. But I am sure that you knew that one.
As per your second comment on emotion, I wanted to say that on this site we aren't really bitching all the time unless it is to let off some steam. I talk about my emotions because it helps me deal with them. For me it is about understanding my emotions not just let them wash over me. I think that understanding them can help me to control them or at least help me so I know what causes what emotion.
As a psych major I would have thought that you would know that when you start analyzing people's lives that one of the big reactions you get is them getting defensive. Especially when you try to change the way they look at things or even when you just try to get them to see things in a differrent way. Even if you are trying to give helpful advice you need to step back and see what kind of emotions that might involve. This is especially true since it is just talking to you online and not getting to see your body language and since we do not know you.
I would still like your comments if for no other reason than to stir things up a little.
2 comments:
Darcy--i think that sometimes as chics we get caught up in the ideas of relationships and marriage and things of that nature. we think a relationship is supposed to b like a fairy tale, hence the "sappy crap". realistically that doesnt happen cause we all know that its true--MOST guys dont share their emotions or w/e. does it make me fall for anything that someone says b/c i would like to have a guy that isnt afraid of his feelings? i dont think so. i dont think that im an overly emotional person, i try to keep everything in check so that i stay realistic. i crave good, stimulating conversation and i crave some real honesty. ofcourse i like attention and affection, who doesnt when ur in a relationship? there really wouldnt b a point in having bfs/gfs if we didnt all enjoy that attention and affection to some degree. i dont think emotions r something we all need to run from. i dont think that u need to run from the fact that IE u need a hug if thats what u need or a shoulder to cry on or just someone to make u laugh real hard. i would never give up my emotions cause they r part of what makes me. do i enjoy hurting or aching or any other nasty emotion? no. but it does help with those "lessons". ;) as far as ripping on ppl to help detatch??? i dont think so. is it helpful for me to write someone outta my life if im pissed off at them sure, but not ripping on them. its grade school logic......remember the lil boy in kindergarten who was really nasty to u? cause he actually liked u and didnt know how to express it....same principle. u rip on ppl cause u dont know how to express urself otherwise and alota times its cause u lack whatever it is that ur rippin on the other person about. think about that the next time u go to make fun of someone. i dont think that Cos is giving any of us constructive criticism when he comments. he just cuts us down. w/e thats his thing. i could respect his opinion a lil more if he were offering constructive criticism but for the most part its seemingly a pissin contest. but hoochie mama, if u enjoy the derrogatory remarks and rnt insulted by his constant inuendos to the lack of our intelligence have at it............thats not to say that i really let it get to me cause honestly who the fuck is he in my world?!?! i just think its rude when he doesnt know us nor us him.
Darci-
Thanks for taking the time to find something useful in my comments and give me back an opinion worth discussing.
Looking at the situation now my opinion basically is that actions speak louder than words. Its easy to say that you are an honest, good person who genuinely respects and is interested in another person. It is difficult however to always be honest, and to always treat people right.
I think the reason we differ in or opinions of the value of emotion to society is that I separate the emotion from the actions, i.e. though loyalty may involve love, it is the actions of being loyal that are valuable to or society rather than the feeling of love. Being angry about something doesn't change a thing, but doing something about it - protesting, writing, building, fighting, etc are what drive change.
Emotion is a sufficient, but not necessary drive for these actions.
I agree with what you said about insulting somebody to distance yourself from them. The various diatribes I have received in response to my posts usually seem like they are trying to convince others that what I say is uncredible, and use insults to do so. I don't think that disagreement is negative, I enjoy being devil's advocate. Without disagreement there is no hope for realizing different paths and options.
Just to shed more light on how being a psych major affects my thinking. Though i did take several courses in my undergraduate studies on psychoanalysis and counseling, my main areas of interest are behaviorism and social/personality psychology. Therefor I do not spend a lot of time analyzing how people feel and think, but rather the effects that the environment and others have on individual's behavior. I study cults and prejudice and similar subjects, rather than Frued or Rogers or Ellis and the like.
Tasha
I don't really have time right now to respond to your comments in detail. I will point out that up until you start talking about ripping on people you actually made some interesting observations/statements about what emotions mean to you.
I don't remember making any derogatory remarks in my recent posts, at least not towards you. What have a I said that offended you?
Like I have pointed out several times now, I never claimed to be anybody important in your world. If I were important in your world, or you important in mine, I doubt the dynamic of our musings would be the same. The anonymity of the Internet is one of the factors that I enjoy when making posts like this because people are less inhibited in their responses. I particularly enjoy message boards and forums like this because one can track back and construct a time line of events fairly easily and see how things develop.
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