OLD GHOSTS

so im braving the freezer like conditions of the upstairs to fuck around on this box. im logged into my yahoo messenger and im doin research on beach towels and loans when i get an IM. its the x and he tells me that he has been in contact with a high school friend of mine---rachel. he tells me shes livin in ohio and that she misses me, i should get in touch with her. i ask how the hell he "ran into" her and he tells me thru myspace......hmm. he signs off and im left with this information.

lets go back in time shall we?.......back in hs rachel, tiffany, nicole and i were inseperable. then one day shortly after graduation i had a nasty car accident. this prevented me from goin off to college at the same time as the rest of them, and in fact once i was able to go off i withdrew myself due to mental, physical and personal strain. its not like i expected us to all remain as close as we were in hs, but i thought some basic communication and a few visits etc. would keep our friendships at least breathing. well, i must have been waaaaay outta line b/c that is not what happened at all. we all did different things, moved away or back w/e and the effort didnt exist---at least not on their part. oh well, i stopped my efforts no matter how small when i wasnt getting any response. so yrs go by and turns out i moved back to ohio and one day c rachel workin in a store im at. we give each other a quick low down and she gives me her #. i dont call her---thats my fault but heres my reasoning.....u dont walk away from someone u care about, drop ALL communication, blow back into their life and expect things to b the same as b4. nor should u expect them to feel comfortable enough to pick up the phone and start chatting away with all their personal details when u were the one that dropped them. the way i c it is if rachel or tiffany or nicole miss our friendship and wanna try to get together again then they need to put forth a little more effort. not me.

fast forward to today---im not bitter over the situation, no matter how this comes across. we all grow up, mature, take on different responsibilities, move, etc. what amazes me about this is that rachel has proceeded to talk with my fucking X HUSBAND about me. the girl knows what town i live in. she even knows my last name, and if she doesnt im sure she could just fuckin ask my x and hed tell her. is it really that hard to dial 411 and ask for my listing? ---that is, if she really said she missed me. they act like they cant approach me, and maybe thats the guilt gettin to em but fuck. im not such a bitch that i dont understand and wont forgive them. does that mean we just pick up where we left off yrs ago? hell no, but im willing to listen. gawd, hoochie mama and i have kept a friendship while shes been in school and i havent even known her half as long as i have rachel n them. puts things into perspective doesnt it? yeah, thats what i thought.

i fully believe god puts ppl in ur life for however long for a reason. and i fully believe that all things happen for a reason, even if u cant figure out the reason at the moment. im wondering what reason it is that i keep hearing rachels name. it seems that inadvertantly she keeps popping into my life...........................