Have you ever had those weeks where if feels like glass is shattering all around you? First, my Jeep takes a shit. When things go wrong I figure I can always turn to a family member to help me out. I went to my mom. I get bitched at up one side and down the other. All the sudden its an appropriate time to throw all of my faults in my face. The, like quick sand, I sink rapidly into a depressive state. If that don't make things worse. The rest of my family feels the need to do the same shit. Sometimes it feels like I can trust anyone, not even my own family. I hate thinking that way but nothing I try to keep secret or just between me and another person stays that way. Now, with my Jeep taking a shit, its been really difficult to go back and forth to a job. So there for, I have no money. Which sucks. I really do like a vacation but I hate sitting on my ass and doing nothing. Especially for as long as I have. I had asked my mom to help me out and she, after making me feel like a piece of shit, decides to call a friend who would have a possible vehical that I could get. Which was a little bit of sunshine in the rain. I am still waiting to see the car. My mom is also coming through for me to help with the international dinner at my church. Which I greatly appreciate. So, all in all things are slowly coming together with a consistant reminder of all the bad decisions that I have made in my life time.
Yesterday, was a good time to realize that I needed to see the eye doctor. My contacts are to fucking old. There is a sign and my glasses are tring to fall apart. DAMNIT! So , now, when I get my vehical, so I can go to work, I need to hussle to pay rent for november and also save for an eye exam. WTF! I hate this shit, I really do. All I do is sit and cry and try to figure out away to make things better for myself. I have been tring to work on that. I paid my Jeep off, which I thought I was gonna be cool and then be ahead. Not, that obviously didn't happen. I have been going to church religiously trying to seek out myself through the lord. I have been trying to change little by little to correct the mistakes I have made in my life by taking different steps in the future. Oh and lets not forget that I am in college tring to make it so that I won't have to, hopefully, be in a situation like things again.
So now that everyone is reading my venting rampage. I have a question. Is it a good idea to work a fulltime job + go to school fulltime + work a parttime job? This is why this question. I work, this new job, a fulltime position I also go to college fulltime. Now, my mom a few other members of the family thinks that I should also be working another parttime position. What do you think? Am I wrong for not wanting to do so? Is it to much that she is asking? What? I am just so over whelmed. Pray for me or something. Lord know that I am trying and I know this. Rome wasn't built in a day and I can't very well fix all my problems and mishapes in a day either. I am human. I have faults and I will admit too them.
2 comments:
yes i can sympathize with u. trouble comes in 3s, which probably doesnt make u feel better, but potentially u could b forewarned. ;) sorry that ur mom broke out her usual self. honestly i wouldnt pay any attention to her cause she hasnt exactly made the best decisions for herself either. thats the beauty of livin and learnin....paying the price, goin thru the hard times, whatever u know. lets not forget either that everything happens for a reason, god has a plan. ?? maybe u needed a break cause u were spreading urself too thin. maybe god wants u to evaluate the school thing and the work thing. ?? i cant say for sure thats between u and him. as far as workin 2 jobs AND school....well if one job pays the bills and puts food on the table and gives u a little extra to have fun on then i wouldnt worry about the second job. school is hard enough, especially nursing. dont let ur mom bully u into doin something for her approval. it wont do a damn thing other than to prove to her that ur willing to jump thru hoops. ur a strong woman and u r tryin ur best to make a good life for urself and b a good person....u dont need to jump thru hoops for anyone, u dont need to prove urself to anyone that doesnt already c the big picture. i know it can b overwhelmingly sad to want someones acceptance and love and no matter what u do its not enough. ur mom will b sorry one day. in the meantime, take comfort in that ur doin ur best, that we love u and it will get better. god doesnt give u more than u can handle. ;) :D
I go to school full time. (15 credit hours)
I work full time. (30+ hours a week)
I barely have time to sleep between work, school, and homework.
I wouldn't add on to my list if I was threatened. Some people don't get that every credit hour is like working 3 hours. So... 45 hours a week school = 30 job = 75 hours a week. That's a full enough schedule.
Post a Comment