sooooo......im frustrated. over what im not exactly sure but now its to the point where im annoyed and disgusted by the littlest thing. i think my frustration sometimes comes from thinkin about the future....where i wanna b, what i want to b doin, who im gonna b with, etc. sometimes those kind of thoughts r daunting. i mostly live one day at a time so im not sure what brings on these thoughts of the future. maybe its feeling like im being trapped. and i think about the future in hopes that i wont become trapped into a certain place, or routine or friendships or any relationships for that matter. not that i dont enjoy my life or the ppl in it, i do. i just hate ruts. (yeah, i know...work, chores, sleep...welcome to the real world) and i hate not being able to b better for someone when i can b. i really wish i could pretend the future wont b here faster than i know it. its a suffocating feeling....as if i were being swallowed whole or maybe mauled by a deer. maybe thats not what suffocating is like at all since i have never been swallowed whole nor mauled by a deer, either way u get the point. feeling frustrated that life is movin faster than u r ready for is shitty. i suppose i need to get my ass in gear and catch up to everyone in the fast lane!! whats the big fuckin rush anyways!?!
a lil story to show how frustrated i am......tonite at work the res. i took with me to play putt putt is sittin outside smokin with me and 2 other aides. the one was apologizing for being new and havin to take a week off already for pink eye. the res. kept askin dumbass questions about pink eye. "how did u get it?" "do ur eyes itch?"(they were dumbass questions b/c the chic was explainin all this shit in her story and yet he had to ask again) the aide was like i woke up and my eyes were swollen shut, i had to feel my way to the bath room......blah blah fuckin blah is all i heard. the res. then proceeds to say after the aide JUST FUCKIN SAID my eyes were swollen shut, the res. says "what!?! they were swollen shut! how?" OMFG all i could think of after the thought of kickin him in his ass was that i really wanted to ask him if he enjoyed being that stupid. GAAAAWWWDDD!! ugh. one more day and i have the weekend off, it may not b a good idea for me to leave the house if im gonna keep havin to deal with idiots................mmmhahaha :D
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