THERAPY

ive been in a mood lately, almost a week in fact. im not sure how it started but i know how its been prolonged.....and now im dealing with all of the bullshit. seems like as soon as one thing gets str8 another goes whopper jawled. ugh. y'all remember me posting about chicas bad mood, well she gets into better spirits and then 2 memembers of the rat pack end up fighting. (no im not involved in this fight) even though im not directly involved in this lil fight it has still effected me in a deep way. mostly b/c i sympathize, i have been thru the same shit and it brought up bad memories for me---just remembering the way i felt when i went thru it u know? and it bothers me that trust has been broken with no way of proving anything. now individually these two have done nothing to break trust with me, but i cant help but feel like---well, if one friend could do it to another then whats stopping them from doin it to me? but then again thats the chance u take when u let ppl into ur life. i feel like if i continue being friends with the one that ill b condoning what took place and that sickens me. i do not condone this. i also feel like if i continue being friends with the one that ill b betraying the other all over again, as if i dont believe what happened. ugh. i have a nagging gut feeling that the one wouldnt do anything of this nature on purpose in a hateful way---like, yeah im gonna fuck her over. know what i mean? i always figured that b/c of the way that i met these two that our friendship had a reason---to either teach them something or learn something from them, that we would b in each others lives for a certain amount of time and then go on our way.......i never thought that any of the friendships between us would disentegrate like this. im not saying that i wont b friends with the one anymore, i still have to think about shit.....it just put a new dynamic on the relationship that i dont know if i can handle or believe in or trust in or anything. im probably over thinking the whole thing. i just wish it was different, is that too much to ask??? i was hoping that by me writing it out, seeing it in "green and white" (lol) that i would somehow work thru it. writing is my usual therapy....its sorta helped this time but not enough.

im sorry guys, i wish that none of this had to happen. im not mad at either of u. a little confused.....troubled.......somehow i feel like im more concerned over it than the 2 of u. but maybe im just openly expressing myself whereas u guys rnt??? i dont know but yeah, i wish it wasnt like this......................