Its just me admiting faults!!!!

I have been a complete asshole here lately and I know I am wrong. I am sorry to everyone that has been in my path, well, for the most part, some are well deserving of a good tongue lashing. Anyway, I know that I am personally very miserable with a lot of things in my life. I am losing my faith and I often feel like there is no one to talk too. Using sarcasm is like my way of guarding myself from others. I very often just want to scream and just throw fits like a tot. More often then that I just cry myself to sleep. I tend to try and drink my pain away and I am perfectly well aware that its not helping and it won't. I put myself in situations that I know aren't good for me but its like I am enjoying the attention. And when its over I am miserable again until I can get the fix for another. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost and confused. I don't know what I am looking for but I do know that I haven't found it yet. Does that make sense to anyone? My whole world seems like its turned upside down and I am overwhelmed with everything. I just wish I could get away. Ya know, take a vacation. Take time to just relax and think. Without the alcohol and without my trait of sarcasm. I know that being alone its helping me but like I said, I often feel like there is no where to turn, no one to talk too. I get like this to often but I know I can pull myself out. It just takes time. I don't know. I guess I just stick with what I know works for me until I can find a better solution. Until then, I do what I got to do. Right or wrong.

I am sorry to my rat pack. I didn't mean to offend you guys the other night. FORGIVE ME? I am lacking some serious shit in my life and I am very broken. I know it doesn't make shit right for what was said, but I meant no serious harm. It was the sarcasm talking. I appolozise for the lashing out. I am just miserable myself and it ain't right to lash out, especially at the ppl that matter most to me, YOU GUYS. MY RAT PACK!